It quickly becomes clear that Cam’s typical night owl tendencies are shot from the stress she’s under. Because for the second time in less than two weeks, she falls asleep during the movie, and I find myself lifting her off the couch and into my arms, carrying her down the hall to my spare bedroom, and settling her gently on the bed.
This time, however, she stirs when I pull the blanket up to her head. Her hand reaches out and takes mine.
“Thank you, Beck” she says sleepily, her eyes at half-mast. “I don’t know how I would have survived this without you.”
I reach out and stroke a piece of long dark hair back from her face. “You would have, because you’re the strongest woman I know.”
“I dunno about that,” she mumbles, sleep overtaking her. “Am I strong or stupid.”
My mouth opens and closes several times as I try to discern what she means by that, but by the time I’m ready to ask her, soft snores fill the air. Sitting beside her, I stare down at the woman who means so fucking much to me it hurts.
“You’re strong. But even the strongest people need someone by their side,” I whisper. Then, taking a chance she’s not as asleep as I think, I lean down and brush a kiss across her forehead.
“Let me be that someone.”
Chapter fourteen
Cam
“Are you sure you don’t want company?” Beckett leans in the doorway, one hand up above his head, making the T-shirt he’s wearing ride up, revealing a sliver of skin.
Over the past week, I’ve started to adjust to the fact that I am suddenly seeing him in a whole new light.
A whole newhornylight.
At first, I tried to tell myself it was because I haven’t had sex in months, and living with Beckett right down the hall means I can’t exactly take things into my own hands. Well, I can, and I did try that once during the day while he was at work, but it felt weird.
Especially when my imagination started picturing a tall, lean man with glasses and dark hair over top of me.
Jesus fucking Christ. I never signed up for daydreaming about my husband when I agreed to this marriage.
“I’ll be fine. Hopefully, it’ll just take a couple of days. I’ve got everything organized with the estate company to come and deal with all the furniture. So I just need to go through his personal stuff and figure out what I want to keep or put in storage. Then pack up my apartment.”
I might have put on a brave face and talk a big game, but the truth is, I desperately want Beckett to come back to Manitoba with me. Going through Grandpa’s house and belongings fills me with dread. Doing it alone? Even worse.
But he’s sacrificed so much for me already; I have to do this alone.
I can tell he doesn’t fully believe me as he drops his hand and folds his arms across his chest. “You’ll call me if you change your mind?”
I nod, keeping my focus on the shirts I’m folding into my bag. “Yup.”
“And if anyone gives you shit,” he starts, and I turn around, raising my hand to stop him.
“If anyone gives me shit, I’ll handle it the same way I have for the last ten years. I’ll be fine, Beckett. Seriously. That town doesn’t have a hold on me anymore.”
Beckett heaves a sigh, then walks into my bedroom and pulls me into a hug. He’s been doing this more and more lately, and to my surprise, I’m not pushing the added affection away. It feels way too good to just lean into his solid warmth and feel his hands run up and down my spine. Like he’s infusing me with his strength and calm.
“Then I guess we better get going if we’re gonna get you to the airport on time.”
Reluctantly, I step back and grab my bag, shooting him a glare when he moves to take it from me. “Let’s get this over with.”
I had paid for long-term parking at the airport when we left Manitoba, and selling my clunker is one of my tasks while I’m here. Still, the familiarity of being in the car I drove out from Vancouver so many years ago helps keep me calm for most of the drive back to town. Until I pull off the highway and into Cliveden. Then any bravado I thought I had faked enough to start believing disappears.
I had always managed to reconcile my hatred for this town by reminding myself Grandpa was worth it. He was the one beacon of light and good in this place, and the only thing that kept me coming back. Even so, if he hadn’t had the stroke, I would never have chosen to move back here. But we were all each other had after Mom and Dad died. He said that to me time and again,“We Byrnes need to stick together, my girl.”He may have meant it as a supportive sentiment, a way of showing his love and loyalty to me, but I internalized that statement.
After the stroke, my fear of losing him became the ball and chain that kept me a prisoner here.
And now that he’s gone, now that my fear has been realized, that ball and chain has fallen off. It’s the only good thing to come of his passing.
