“I’m here to confess something.”
My breath catches.
“I know you and Jude were playing along, pretending to be together to humour me.”
Shame floods my cheeks with red. “Nana, I…”
“No, stop. Let me finish, child.”
I close my mouth and nod quickly. Confusion mixes with relief inside of me. I hated lying to Nana.
“At the wedding, it was clear he was there as a friend only. And given his absence around town until now, it was evident there was no romantic history between the two of you. However, I sensed the peace and strength in him, and just as evident to me was the fact that he filledyouwith a similar strength. His very presence made you stand up tall at that circus of a wedding. I had a feeling he could be the man to help you realize how worthy you truly are of love and happiness, or at the very least, of friendship and affection.” Nana drops her gaze for a second, and when she looks back up at me, I’m shocked to see moisture pooling in the corners of her eyes. “My child, I failed you. I should have seen just how awful things were for you, how ridiculous and cruel my daughters were becoming, and how it was all being taken out on you simply because of your beautiful, free spirit. They nearly crushed you and I’ll never forgive myself for not realizing it sooner.”
“Nana, it wasn’t your fault,” I murmur, standing and walking over to sink down to the floor in front of her. I take her hands in mine, feeling the papery skin, and the warmth, strength, and love that I always get from her. “I could have come to you and told you, but I didn’t. That’s on me.”
“Because your pure heart wouldn’t let you say a bad thing about your own mother. Darling girl, you are the victim in this. You are not to blame.”
I nod because finally, I feel I’m at a place in my life where I believe those words. And it’s largely because of Jude.
“I’m sorry we lied to you, Nana.”
She pats my hand. “Don’t apologize, my dear, I forced you into it. Just tell me you’re happy. Because I can also surmise that things didn’t stay pretend for very long.”
I smile at her intuition. “You would be right on that.” Laying my head down on her lap, I stare out the window as she starts to stroke my hair just as she would when I was a young girl and we would read together. “I fell in love with him, Nana. He’s wonderful, just as you suspected. He’s kind, and strong, and loyal, and he makes me feel so special. That sounds cliché, but it’s true.”
“Nothing wrong with a cliché, countless romance novels were written about them, and they all have happily ever afters.”
I giggle at Nana’s observation. “But he left. He’s in Vancouver right now finding out more about a job with his old team. If he takes it, he’ll leave.”
“Ahh. That’s what Kat was talking about.”
I lift my head and look at her in confusion. “Kat?”
“Well, why else do you think I’m here? She called me and asked if I would come and check in on you. Said something about Jude being gone and how sad you were.”
My heart fills with affection for my best friend and the fact that she knew Nana would be the best person to be with me while I sort out my feelings for Jude.
“Since we’re dealing in clichés today, let’s add another. If you love something, let it go. And if it comes back, then you know it’s meant to be.”
“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one who has to wait and find out if that happens or not,” I grumble.
Just then, my phone vibrates on the table. I look at it with some trepidation. The wistful part of me wants it to be Jude, telling me it was a mistake to go and he’s on his way back. The realistic part of me knows that would never happen.
Reaching for it, I swipe to unlock and open the messages.
JUDE: Hey sunshine. It’s so weird being back in an arena and not lacing up to play. But it feels good in a way. Wish you were here with me.
He sent a selfie standing in front of the ice, and as I stare at his handsome face with that small smile he doesn’t show to a lot of people, I see the excitement in his expression. I wish I could match it with my own, but I can’t. Because seeing the hope and happiness in his eyes fills me with dread that my worst fear might come true.
Jude could easily choose a future that doesn’t include me, and I could be left alone again. Only, unlike every other time it’s happened, this time my heart is fully invested and would be fully broken.
Tears blur my vision as another message comes through, and I have to wipe them away with a sniff before I can read.
JUDE: Could you do me a favour and go by my apartment to check on the kitten tonight? I’m not sure how long I’ll be here and don’t want her getting lonely.
A fresh wave of tears fall. He’s such a softie, and he’s so attached to that kitten. At least a cat can go with him when he moves away. He can find a cat sitter for his away games.
“Lily, darling, what’s wrong?”
