“Then you just ignored your physical therapist and did something dumb.”
“In my defense, you did say I couldstartdoing some weight training.”
I lean my body against the window of my car and fold my arms across my chest. “Yeah. Startslowly. And judging by your face when you had to squat down to get in the car, I’m guessing you did not hear that last word.”
“I’ll be fine.” His gruff reply stings slightly. It feels like a rebuff. Which is probably just an echo of the dismissal I’m still feeling from my mom, but it hurts, nonetheless.
Turning forward, I start the car and pull out onto the street. The next few minutes are tense and I hate it. I hate that my sour mood from earlier isn’t gone. Then Jude’s big hand lands on the back of my neck.
“I’m sorry, Lily.”
Pulling to a stop at a red light, I look over at him. “Sorry for…”
“For not listening to you or respecting your opinion, for pushing myself too far, and potentially undoing all the amazing progress you’ve helped me to gain.” Sincerity rings in his voice and that alone is enough to make me shift from annoyed physical therapist to concerned friend.
“Thank you. And I’m sorry you’re hurting today. We’ll go easy tomorrow, and I’ll spend some time mapping out a strengthening plan so that you know next time what you can and cannot do.”
His hand squeezes my shoulder gently. “Thanks, sunshine.”
A short while later, we reach Nana’s place, and soon after, we’re sitting on her floral couches that are far more comfortable than they look, sipping tea. Jude has his arm over my shoulder, forcing me to lean into him, while Nana watches us with a suspiciously smug expression.
“Jude. I’d just love it if you could tell me again what made you fall for our darling Lily. It makes me so happy to see her with someone who truly cherishes her for the wonderful woman she is.”
“Nana,” I mumble under my breath, more than a little embarrassed at how she’s putting him on the spot. Taking a sip of tea, I chance a quick look over at him, only to find his eyes squarely on me, a soft smile on his face.
“Where do I begin,” he murmurs. “Lily has this light about her. It’s infectious. Doesn’t matter how dark it is around you, she brightens everything, just by being who she is. Her heart, her strength, her loyalty, she’s a better woman than almost anyone else I know. I came home a broken man, and I don’t just mean my leg. Somehow, almost immediately after we reconnected, I found my jagged edges softening, the wounds knitting back together, inside and out. She makes me have hope again.” He takes in a deep breath, and only then do his eyes flick to my grandmother, and then back to me. This time, the smile is bigger. “And she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. I consider it an absolute honour that she puts up with me, and I never take it for granted that she could do a lot better than a grumpy injured hockey player, yet she chooses to be with me, anyway.”
Oh God. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can sit here, listening to him say all of this, pretending that it’s real, when on the inside, I’m dying because I know it’s not. This hurts even more than what my mother said to me earlier, and she flayed me alive.
Because when I remind myself that her words are not true, it makes me feel better. When I remind myself that Jude’s words are not true, it makes me feel empty.
“Excuse me.” I stand up abruptly and bolt to the bathroom. I turn the lock on the door and sink down to the floor, leaning against the wall.
What am I doing?
I didn’t mean to fall for Jude. I might have been naive, but I honestly thought my attraction to him was purely physical and that I could maintain a platonic relationship — even once sex was added in. We had mutual objectives in placating our family, and faking a romantic relationship seemed a logical option.
God, I was so wrong. Because I have fallen for him. Everything I feel is so freaking real, and it’s harder and harder to keep pretending it isn’t. Hearing him say all those amazing things about me was a slap in the face. A reminder that the only time I’ll ever hear a guy say those things is when he’s faking it.
I draw in a ragged breath. No way am I crying twice in one day.
Several deep breaths later and I’ve got myself reasonably controlled. Enough, I hope, to make it through the next hour or so with Jude and Nana before I can escape home and make good on the ice cream and movie I wished for earlier.
Sure enough, my fake smile seems to satisfy the two of them for the rest of our visit. And the drive back to Jude’s apartment starts out just fine. I ramble on about the hockey game from last night while he contributes the occasional grunt.
But halfway to his place, as we’re passing by the turnoff for the public beach, Jude puts his hand on my arm.
“Turn here.”
“What? Why?” I ask, even as I’m flicking on my indicator and making the turn. I follow the road down a short way until it opens out into the parking lot for the day-use area. The lot is empty, so I pull up right in the front, the waves of the ocean a stunning vista in front of us.
When I shut off the engine and turn to Jude, he’s facing me head-on. “You’re not going for a beach walk, mister. You already overdid it on that knee.” The teasing tone I was going for falls flat when he just gets out of the car and walks slowly around to open my door.
“Come on. We aren’t going far, but I always think better when I’m outside.”
I want to ask him what he’s thinking about, but I also don’t know if I want to hear his answer. Instead, I follow until he sits down on a bench overlooking the ocean.
“After I said those things to your grandmother about what I like about you, you bolted,” he starts, casual and relaxed. Meanwhile, I feel anything but. “Care to tell me why?”
