If the damn room phone hadn’t interrupted us, I honestly don’t know if I would have stopped him from stripping me bare and doing God knows what.
But last night when I was all alone, unable to sleep, I couldn’t stop obsessing over how much of a disaster that would have been.
I’m not averse to casual sex. Not by a long shot. One-night stand? Sure, no problem. But not when the guy is my best friend’s older brotheranda patient of mine. That hasbad ideawritten all over it.
I recognize Jude’s question at the elevator for what it was. He needed reassurance that we’d go back to Jude and Lily, physical therapist and patient, casual friends, and what happened yesterday morning wouldn’t rock the boat.
“Morning, Sukhi,” I say as I push open the door to the clinic. She looks up at me from behind the desk. I see we’re going full-on red with the lipstick today. I’m not a fool, I’ve noticed — just like I’m sure everyone has — that she piles on the makeup the days Jude has an appointment.
Something roils in my gut. It can’t be jealousy. I’ve got no hold on him, he’s free to do whatever with whoever. Whatever the feeling is, it’s not pleasant.
I go through my appointments for the day. Jude’s up second, which means I have just over an hour to prepare myself for seeing him again. I practiced what I’ll say. Something along the lines of, we’re adults, it happens, it doesn’t mean anything.
But when he shows up early and I’m still finishing up with Hattie Henderson’s arthritic elbow pain, my greedy eyes drink him in deeply. I know what lies beneath the tight-fitting T-shirt and shorts he’s wearing. I’ve felt him, all eight or nine inches of him, pressed against me.
“It’s so nice having Jude back in town, isn’t it?” Hattie comments, a devious lilt to her voice. I jolt back to her, just in time to realize I’ve had my hand on her forearm for probably an awkward amount of time.
“Yeah. I mean, yes. I’m sure his family is happy to have him here, even if it is under not great circumstances.”
Hattie just gives me a weird smile. Damn it, she’s way too perceptive. Kat and I always laugh about how she sits at The Nutty Muffin, writing letters to her sister. We’re positive they’re full of town gossip. Somehow, this woman knows more than anyone about whatever is going on around town.
“Okay, you’re all done for this week. Don’t forget the stretches, and you can book your next appointment with Sukhi.” I give Hattie a wide smile, pointedly not looking at Jude as I make my way to the front with the older woman. But my ability to avoid him doesn’t last long.
“Hi Jude, come on back.”
I turn on my heel and walk to the room we usually use without pausing. I don’t need to. I know he’s following me; I can feel him.
He closes the door behind him and lifts his body up on to the table. “Hey, Lily.”
His usual grumpy tone is softer. That alone makes me look at him at last.
“How was your ferry ride?” He’s settling on his back, used to the way we start things with a deep tissue massage to stretch out the muscles and break down scar tissue. But is he…is he making small talk?
“Fine,” I say, that one word coming out way too shrill. I clear my throat and try again. “It was fine. Smooth sailing. How was your float plane ride?” I go through the motions, laying down a sheet to protect his clothing and getting the oil I use to help my hands glide more easily.
“Fine,” he parrots back my response.
I get to work, the usual silence falling between us. At least this is the same and familiar. Jude rarely talks during our sessions unless he’s asked a question. His grunts of discomfort when I hit tight spots serve to ease the weird tension I’m feeling even more. This is fine. We can just act as if nothing happened.
“I want to apologize for letting things get out of hand yesterday.”
Or maybe not.
Thank God his eyes are closed, so he can’t see the flush of embarrassment I feel rising in me at his apology. I’ve fooled around a decent amount, and I’ve never had a guy apologize before. Not for that. I gotta say, I don’t like it. It feels icky, like we did something wrong, like I was some dirty mistake he made.
Oh, heck no.
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” I say brightly. “We’re two adults who got caught up in some sort of early morning madness. It’s fine. It meant nothing.”
Jude doesn’t reply. I finish the hands-on portion of our session and step back.
“Okay, take your time getting up, I’ll meet you out in the gym and we’ll go through some new exercises.”
There. Back to normal.
So why does it feel so weird?
We finish out our session, and just as I do with every patient, I walk Jude to the front. Sukhi immediately leans over the desk, batting her lashes at him.
