“Youare a genius,” I say, lifting my glass to salute her. “Maybe you need a career change. Become a relationship counsellor or something.”
Skye visibly shudders. “Good grief, no. That would require fixing my own mess of a love life. How about I just tell you like it is and live vicariously through your happiness when you get that Dr. Hottie of yours to smarten up?”
I laugh again, this time already feeling much lighter. “Deal.”
Eventually, we hang up and I go to bed, determined to confront Max tomorrow and work even harder to get him to realize what he’s doing isn’t right, even if it comes from good intentions.
I just need to figure out how.
Chapter twenty-eight
Max
Rolling over with a groan, I slam my hand over my phone to try and shut off the alarm. How is it 7 am already when it feels like I just went to bed an hour ago?
That’s the thing with insomnia. Time passes interminably slow, and yet, all too quickly at the same time.
I drag my ass out of bed and into the shower, the same as I have every day this past week. Ever since I printed out the paperwork that still sits on my kitchen counter, haunting me. It’s almost complete, false lab reports and all, but something has stopped me from uploading it and submitting to the provincial transplant team.
Each time I walk into Carson’s room and see him lying in that bed, knowing his body is failing him and feeling as if I, too, am failing him, my resolve grows to send in the forms and give him the one last chance he has to live. Then I walk out of his room and see Heidi across the unit, and that resolve dissipates as the memories of what we said to each other come roaring back.
“They’ll know you lied. You’ll get caught and it’ll cost you your medical license. Are you really willing to risk your career like this? My career? Because I’m tied to you right now, Max. Isn’t that the whole point of us staying secret? What happens to you, happens to me, and vice versa?”
“I have to. If you can’t understand that, then you don’t understand me. I think you should leave.”
“I thought we trusted each other. Respected each other. This isn’t okay, Max, and you know it. Why would you do this?”
The hurt in her eyes, the tears I knew were building, every single one was a dagger to my heart. I know I fucked up when I told her to leave. She might have been the one to question our trust and respect in each other, but it was my words and my actions that ripped apart the foundation of what we were building together. And the worst part is, I can’t make up my mind as to whether it was worth it. Whether I was right to say what I said and do what I did.
Sure, in the moment, I felt like I was right. It’s what I’ve always done, trusting only myself. Showing no weakness, protecting myself above all else. At the time, it felt as if pushing her away was my only option if she was unable to understand my actions. But as time goes on and the hole in my heart grows wider and wider, I question that belief.
I have the day off today, and for the first time in a long time, I resent that fact. Not because work has been a pleasant place to be, quite the opposite. I’ve been a grumpy ass to everyone, and I know the nurses are starting to give me a wide berth because of it. But at least work makes me feel like I have a purpose. Like I can still somehow make a difference, at least somewhere. I might feel even more conflicted about Carson when I’m there, but I am nothing, if not an expert at compartmentalizing. And every other patient that Idohelp, helps me to hold onto what little sanity I still have left.
When I get out of the shower, I pull on some sweats and a T-shirt I pick up off the floor and stagger out into my living room. I come up short at the sight of all three of my brothers sitting on my couch.
“Jude? What are you doing here?” I say gruffly, my attention focusing on the one brother I don’t often see at my apartment early in the morning. Granted, none of them make a habit of showing up early, or barging into my apartment uninvited, but Jude doesn’t even live in the same country. Which makes his presence extra surprising.
He looks at me quizzically. “Aside from the fact that I told you I was planning a short trip home, these guys told me I was needed to help you pull your head out of your ass about something, so I got an earlier flight.” He gestures to the twins. Sawyer just lifts his coffee cup in acknowledgment, and Beckett has the decency to look a little sheepish.
“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
Sawyer pushes himself to standing, walks to the kitchen, and returns with another cup of coffee that he hands to me. “Neither do we. But Kat, apparently, ran into Heidi, and something she said made Kat worry about you. The timing of Jude’s visit is purely coincidental. But helpful if you don’t want to listen to me and Beck.”
I should be angry at the idea of Heidi going to my family, but I’m not. If anything, I’m relieved she had my sister to turn to. Even if it does mean I now have to face the Donnelly brothers’ inquisition.
“I need to get some training in, so we’re heading out on a hike,” Jude says, unfolding his large body from my couch. “Go get changed.”
Even I know it’s useless to try and argue against all three of them. I take my coffee back into my bedroom and change into some clothes that will be comfortable for hiking. When I return to my brothers, they’re standing by the kitchen counter having a muttered conversation.
“Let’s get this over with.” I stride to the door, stopping only to grab a water bottle and my keys.
“Dude, is this part of what’s got you all fucked up?”
I turn slowly to see Sawyer holding up the paperwork for Carson’s referral.
“That’s confidential.”
“There’s no name on it,” he fires back.
