“It’s fine, Mila. You don’t need to —”
“Shush. You need to hear this. Because you’re incredible, and I don’t think you realize that. You’re beautiful, smart, kind, funny, and so damn strong and confident, it’s easy to forget that you’re also human, and you can’t always tell when we’re teasing out of love. I don’t mean that Wyatt makes you better because you weren’t good enough before. You were — you are — I mean. But since he came into your life, you’ve changed — in a good way. I wish I knew how to describe it, but it’s like you’re settled and more open. Oh man, I’m making a mess of this, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know how to feel about a man changing me,” I answer honestly. “I’ve always felt quite content with myself and my life, even if I don’t quite fit in everywhere. I realize I’m different, and I don’t always respond to social cues appropriately. But here, with all of you, I felt as close to belonging as I ever have. It’s…It’s unsettling to hear that perhaps I am better with Wyatt than without. Because what happens when he leaves?”
“Is he leaving?”
“I don’t know. I would assume so? We haven’t ever talked about what we’re doing or what the future may hold. Truthfully, I have been avoiding the topic, as the uncertainty of what his feelings might be causes me a considerable amount of worry. Content to simply enjoy the moment, if you will. However, your observations are making it painfully clear that I must address the situation soon.”
“Paige…” Mila starts, but I can tell she is unsure how to proceed. I drop my hands and try to give her a reassuring smile.
“It’s alright, Mila. I understand what you are saying. And I know you have the best of intentions. I am easily overwhelmed and confused by relationship dynamics, specifically intimate and romantic ones, due to my complete lack of successful experience with them. But I shall navigate this. And I will do my utmost to retain this new relaxed and happy way of being, even after he is gone from my life.”
“I wish you wouldn’t say that like it’s a foregone conclusion. You’re good together. Don’t you want to maybe try and make it last?” Mila sounds hopeful, and I wish I could say I felt the same.
“Yes, of course, I have thought about that. But I suppose I have not allowed myself to truly envision it to the point of discussing it with Wyatt. I’ll consider doing that.” Even though the idea of doing so gives me a strange nervous feeling in my stomach.
Mila gives me a small smile just as someone calls her name.
“You should go. The day will be a big success, I’m certain of it.”
“Thanks, Paige. I love you, you know that, right?”
I smile stiffly. For all that I care deeply about my friends, professing love for them is a strange concept for me. “I know.”
After she walks away, I turn back to the pen of dogs behind me. Stooping low, I pick up the tan coloured girl Wyatt was holding earlier and snuggle her into my chest.
“You are sweet, aren’t you?” I murmur into her fur as she licks my chin.
“She looks really good with you.”
I feel Wyatt’s presence as my body responds to his voice, shivers dancing up my spine. His hand comes to my lower back and a kiss is pressed to the side of my head. These small affectionate gestures are so meaningful to me. Perhaps Mila is right, and I should talk with him about whether or not he sees a future for us.
“Why don’t you take her? It was your dream, wasn’t it?” I ask, referring back to our conversation in Vancouver, the same conversation that led to my tattoo.
Wyatt chuckles. “Yeah, but I can’t take on a dog right now. Not with my lifestyle and how much I travel for work.”
My heart plummets at the word travel; at the same time, a dawning realization hits me.
“I just realized, I don’t even know what you actually do for work.”
Wyatt looks away and shifts on his feet, as if my statement makes him uncomfortable. “Oh, really? I could’ve sworn we talked about it. I’m a…consultant, I guess you could say. For businesses looking to expand.”
I nod slowly. Something about his answer doesn’t ring true, but I have no grounds on which to doubt him.
“Seriously though, Paige. You should get the puppy. Look at how happy she is with you.”
I look down, and sure enough, the small dog has fallen asleep in my arms. Her lips are curled up slightly as if she is smiling.
“Okay, I will.”
We end up missing Nash Parker’s concert because the shelter is packing up before then. Instead, Wyatt and I take my new companion to the local pet store to buy some supplies before heading back to my house to get her settled.
“Perhaps her name should be Sandy based on her colouring?”
Wyatt flashes me a skeptical look from the driver’s seat. “Come on, you can be more creative than that.”
He’s right, and I slump back down. We have been debating names for the puppy ever since we left the festival this afternoon. Now it’s growing dark and we’ve arrived at my house. I shouldn’t be nervous, it’s hardly the first time Wyatt has been at my house, we’ve spent several nights together so far. But after my conversations with Serena and Mila at the festival, I feel somewhat unsettled. As if there is unfinished business between Wyatt and I, and tonight I need to find out his intentions. If there is pain and rejection in my future, I need to know now, before I fall deeper for this man.
