I wimped out in terms of talking to her.
After our wine cellar date, Ashley and I went back to the Airbnb and I made good on my promise. In the comfort of a bed, we played with all the positions, and discovered that her favourite is also one of mine. At least, it certainly is when it’s her bent over the bed and it’s her ass I get to hold on to. We fell asleep soon after that round, but the next morning when we were lying together in a peaceful silence, I should have asked what her plans were. Hell, I should have told her I was moving back to my house this weekend.
Instead, I said nothing. Call it fear of messing up what we’ve got, call it fear of rejection, call it whatever you want, all I know is I feel like a fucking idiot for burying my head in the sand and not dealing with this.
But with every day that passes, I find myself starting to feel more and more anxious, mostly about our future. I have to ask her where we stand. I have to know if she’s going to stay in Dogwood Cove. Because this woman could be it for me, judging by the intensity of emotion I’ve got toward her. But the way she talks about her dad and everything she did back in the city, the restaurants and shops she misses, makes me wonder if I’m the only one feeling that way.
Tonight we’re over at Ethan and Summer’s house with all of our friends for a poker night. According to Ethan, these nights used to be guys only, but Reid’s girlfriend Abby is some kind of poker champ, and insisted the ladies be included, so here we are. Ethan, Jackson, Reid, Abby, and myself all seated around the table playing Texas Hold‘em, with Summer, Mila, Serena, Paige, and Ashley hanging out in the living room with snacks.
Everything’s going fine until we take a break between rounds and head into the other room to hang out with the girls.
“Do you need any help moving your stuff out of the Airbnb this weekend?”
Ethan’s question, asked innocently enough, drops like a fucking bomb into the group. As if it were planned, all the conversations fade away and all eyes turn to me and Ashley. I peek at her out of the corner of my eye and wince when I see her gaze downcast on her hands folded in her lap.
“Ah, no thanks. I’m okay.” My words land hollow in the silence. But it doesn’t last long. Someone picks up on the awkwardness and starts talking about a trip to Vegas they want to take in the spring, and someone else, Serena I think, stands up to get another bottle of wine from the kitchen. I chance a look to Ashley, and reach my hand over to cover hers. “I was going to tell you, I just haven’t had the chance,” I say in a low enough voice that hopefully only Ashley hears. The last thing we need right now is more attention on us and my apparent fuck up.
She turns a bright smile to me, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “All good. I’m happy your house is fixed,” she says in a way too chipper voice. She squeezes my fingers, then stands up abruptly. “Just going to grab something from the kitchen.”
I don’t let go of her hand, forcing her to stop and face me when she goes to walk away. “Ash. Are we okay?”
Another smile, slightly more genuine, but still laced with something I don’t want to see. “Of course. No big deal.”
She gently tugs her hand away and I let her go. Something’s definitely not okay, and it’s my fault.
“Sorry about that, man, I figured she knew.” Ethan sits down next to me.
I lean back on the sofa and close my eyes briefly. “Nothing for you to apologize for. I should’ve mentioned it to her.”
“Why didn’t you?” he asks, curiosity lacing his words.
I let out a soft snort of derision. “Honestly? I have no fucking clue. Because I’m an idiot? Chickenshit? Completely useless at relationships?”
“None of that is true.” Mila drops down on the couch beside me. These two have known me the longest out of anyone here, a fact that I’m grateful for right now. Maybe they can shed some light on what the hell is wrong with me.
“Yeah, you definitely made an idiot move, but you’re not chickenshit and you’re not useless at relationships,” Ethan adds. “Have you two talked about her plans yet?”
Mila leans forward to stare at her brother. “Of course he has.” She turns to poke me in the side. “You have, right?”
I shake my head.
“Okay, maybe you are useless. Finn McNeil, you have to talk to that girl, and soon. Before she goes back to Vancouver thinking you aren’t in love with her.”
My heart stutters at Mila’s words. In love? Me? The very thought of that being true makes my anxiety spike. How can I be in love with a woman who has yet to even call me her boyfriend? A woman who, as far as I know, plans on leaving in a few weeks, if not sooner, to go back to her life in Vancouver. What would that even be like for us? It’s not as if I can pack up and move with her, not now that the winery is so close to opening. But can I really ask her to upend her life and move here for me?
“I just wish I knew what she was thinking.”
Mila thumps me on the shoulder. “Then ask her, you dummy.”
My hand comes up to rub where she hit me. “No shit. I know I need to ask her, but it would help if I had even a slight idea what she might say.” My head snaps around to look at her as the obvious answer occurs to me. “Wait. Mila. You guys talk, has she said anything to you?”
Mila raises both of her hands up in the air. “Hell no. Chicks before dicks, my friend.”
I close my eyes against the groan of frustration and uncertainty that bubbles up inside. “Great. That’s helpful.”
“Ethan, Finn, we’re gonna get started again, you coming?” Reid calls to us from the table.
Ethan stands up with a friendly cuff to my shoulder and heads to join them, leaving just Mila and I on the couch. At that moment, Ashley comes back in the room and glances over at us before joining Paige by the fireplace.
