23
Savannah
Iknow Alex was worried about me yesterday. I could see him trying to approach me all day, walking by my desk and flashing uncertain glances my way. He brought me lunch but didn’t ask me to eat with him. When I said I needed an evening to myself to catch up on work, he didn’t push me. Instead, he arranged for my favorite takeout to be delivered to my apartment last night, and I didn’t even bother trying to tell him off for doing so. Truth is, last night when I was drowning in confusion and self pity, it felt good having him take care of me in that small way. I know he only wants to help with Molly, just as I know he doesn’t understand why I won’t let him.
Part of me is still furious that he could actually think that I would want my boyfriend of just a few weeks to swoop in and fix everything. I’m no damsel in distress. Hasn’t he heard me all along when I’ve told him how important my independence is? I’ve told him about my parents, and how they hovered over me for so long; how coming to New York was about proving to myself that I could stand on my own. Our relationship is already complicated by the challenging dynamic of working together and dating. With my past mistakes, I can’t help but think that accepting any type of financial help from him would feel like trading money for sex.
Yet I can’t fully quiet the voice in the back of my head that questions whether or not I’m simply being an idiot. What harm would it really do to accept help — a loan — from someone. If not Alex, then my parents, or Dex and Bianca? They all know how important Molly is to me, and I know they’d help with no questions asked. I’m so close. Just a couple hundred dollars shy of the fee. If only my college loans hadn’t been so heavy, if I hadn’t wasted my final year of schooling messing around with Maxwell instead of working to pay for tuition.
I could drown in my past regrets, or I could focus on achieving my goals on my own two feet, the way I swore I would when I left Nebraska.
That questioning voice is still with me early this morning as I walk to the pool for my swim. I missed Alex last night, and I’m eager to see him. It’s crazy how much he’s become a part of my daily life in such a short time. For a man that I thought would run scared from a relationship, I can’t deny his commitment to giving us his best effort.
When I push open the door to the pool and am met with the wall of warm air, I exhale. The smell of chlorine wafts out into the lobby, and it’s oddly comforting. But it’s the tall man unfolding himself from the low bench in front of me that truly settles my heart.
“Savannah.” His voice slides over me like a warm blanket.
“Hi.”
He walks over and takes me into his arms, tucking my head under his chin.
“I missed you last night,” he murmurs into my hair. I nod against his chest. Then he takes a step back, and wraps his arms around my shoulders, guiding me toward the locker rooms.
“What’s your workout plan for today?” Alex asks, adopting a casual tone.
I shrug. “Not really sure. I’m pretty tired, so I might take it easy today.”
His brows furrows as he looks down at me. “I slept like complete shit last night. Why don’t we do a short workout, then soak in the hot tub?”
Despite my physical and emotional fatigue, I feel myself flush with desire at the memory of the last time we were in the hot tub together. As if he can sense my reaction, Alex chuckles. “No funny business this time. Just a relaxing soak.”
We go our separate ways to get changed and meet up again on the pool deck. Alex has shifted into his sexy swimmer mode, going through his dry land warmup as I attempt to follow along half-heartedly. Then we slide into the water to begin our swims.
My mind settles in the water, all of my confusing and worrisome thoughts about Alex, money, Molly, and life in general floating away. I don’t push myself too hard, enjoying a slower pace and the repetitive nature of stroke after stroke, lap after lap. Letting my body go on autopilot is calming, and when I heave myself out of the water some time later, I feel far more at ease than I did earlier.
I wander over to the hot tub to wait for Alex, leaning on my arms at the edge to watch him in the water. His grace and his power is still so inspiring to watch.
When he finishes, he climbs out and comes to join me. Sinking into the hot water with a quiet groan of contentment, he sits down on the bench beside me and tips his head back to rest on the edge. I watch him for a moment, my eyes roaming freely over his wet body since his eyes are closed.
“I can feel you watching me, love.”
Crap.And here I thought I was being sneaky. He cracks one eye open, and smirks. “I don’t mind, ogle away.”
I shove him gently with my shoulder and roll my eyes. “Cocky much?”
He shrugs. “I’ve always been a cocky bastard, didn’t you realize that?”
“Oh, I did, I guess I just lost sight of it for awhile there.”
Alex chuckles. “Good, my plan worked.”
“What plan?” I ask, pretending to be offended by his statement.
“Why, my plan to charm my way into your bed.”
His tone may be light and teasing, but the words hurt. Whether he meant them to or not. When I don’t respond, Alex looks at me. He must see something on my face that gives away my discomfort.
“Ah shit, that’s not what I meant.” He runs his hand over his face, then reaches for me. I let him take my hand, but don’t move any closer. “You’re more to me than just a good fuck, Van. You know that, right? I care about you.”
