“Hear me out. Carlene’s onto something. Who says you can’t use Alex just for sex? You’re a strong, fierce, independent New York woman. Channel your inner Samantha Jones, a la 1990’sSex and the City, and unleash your inner vixen.”
“Hear, hear.” Carlene raises her coffee cup and tips it toward Bianca in agreement. I’m already shaking my head. There are things from my past even these two women don’t know. Reasons why mixing business with pleasure makes me shudder.
“No way, you guys. I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?” Carlene protests.
“Because…” I trail off. It’s time to come clean. “Because the last time I worked with someone I was involved with, it didn’t end well.” At their confused looks, I take a deep breath, and let them in on something no one else in my life knows about. My shameful secret and another reason why I moved so far away from home.
“Maxwell Simpson was a guest lecturer who did a presentation for one of my classes during my senior year of college. I was young, inexperienced with men, and naïve. He was the ultimate sexy silver fox and I fell hard. We dated, we fucked, and two months later when I graduated, he offered me a job as his assistant. I accepted, thinking it would be so wonderful working together. Little did I know he had no intention of being a mentor or helping me obtain any tangible work experience.” I let out a harsh laugh. “It turned out all he wanted was a glorified secretary who would willingly get down on her knees every lunch hour. And he couldn’t comprehend the fact that I wasn’t willing to go along with that. I quit the next day and moved here a month later. And I promised myself I wouldn’t let any other man treat me like that. Like I was nothing more than a cheap whore. Being with someone I work with just feels too much like repeating my past mistakes. I’m not so sure I can go there again.”
Bianca touches my knee sympathetically. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Van. But do you really think Alex is like that? I know he’s cocky, but he’s not a misogynistic asshole.”
I shake my head. No, it wouldn’t be the same. Logically, I know that. After all, even if I did hook up with Alex, my career doesn’t hinge on him alone. As long as I can be professional around him, I could actually pull this off. My contract will end eventually, so even if it’s awkward for a while, it won’t last forever. And he’s not my boss, I deal with Brayden far more than I do Alex.
“But how do I see him, day after day, at the poolandthe office after we…you know.”
“Honey, there’s twenty-four hours in a day. Maybe you stop being the weirdo who likes to swim at five am and learn to start your day at a more reasonable hour.”
Bianca’s blunt response is entirely reasonable, and I know by now that I’m grasping at straws. I straighten in my seat, my resolve strengthening the more I think about it. The girls are right. I can be in control of this situation. I can go into things with my eyes wide open, knowing this is nothing more than hot sex between two consenting adults. It’s only awkward if we make it so.
“There’s just one problem,” I say, and my friends scoot forward, looking at me expectantly.
“How do I have casual sex with a guy who’s disappeared on me?”
It’s Carlene who answers, and the devious smile on her face makes me nervous.
“Give me your phone.”
The message Carlene sent to Alex isn’t as dirty as I thought it would be, but I’m still nervous as I watch for his reply. Since they can tell I need something to distract me, the girls convince me to go lingerie shopping. Bianca doesn’t join us, instead heading home to her family. Her parting gift, however, was to make me leave my phone at home so I wouldn’t agonize over Alex’s response.
“No man can resist a challenge, and we’re throwing one down,” is Bianca’s proclamation as she hugs me goodbye outside of my building. She’s right. Carlene’s message definitely calls Alex out on his disappearing act over the last two days.
Carlene and I head downtown to La Perla. Normally this would be so far outside of my budget, I wouldn’t even walk through the doors. But somehow, my friends manage to get me to quiet my inner accountant voice, and splurge on myself just this once. Honestly, when Bianca pointed out that my underwear drawer was full of superhero undies and sports bras, I realized they had a good point. Time for a wardrobe upgrade if I’m going after a guy like Alex.
I try to ignore the fact that this is money that should be going towards Molly. Surely, I can boil water in a pot and buy some instant coffee instead of stopping at my favorite coffee cart every morning. Even as I shudder at the thought of subpar caffeine, I know Molly’s worth it. Hopefully, my sex life is, too.
An hour later, I’ve tried on more lingerie than I can count. Carlene has managed to get me to agree to purchasing two bra and panty sets that I have to admit make me feel like a total knockout.
“But now what?” I ask as we walk outside into the bustling noise of the city. “I can’t exactly show up at the office and take my clothes off, now can I? How will I know when to wear this, or what to do, or anything?”
Carlene waggles her eyebrows at me. “Wear that hot as fuck lingerie every goddamn chance you get. Who cares if he doesn’t see it right away? I guarantee you’ll feel like a million bucks every time you put it on. And nothing is sexier than confidence. You’ll have your sexy swimmer rocking your world in no time.”
“Oh, God. I can’t do this, Carlene,” I moan, coming to an abrupt stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Panic is creeping up my spine. Casual sex? What the hell am I thinking? Never once in my thirty-three years of life have I had casual sex.
Carlene grabs my arm and pulls me over to a bench.
“Shut up those voices in your head, Van. Yes, you can. I know you want the happily ever after, but why does that mean you can’t have some fun in the meantime?”
“It doesn’t,” I say reluctantly, knowing she’s right and my panic is unfounded.
“Repeat after me.” Carlene turns to face me and takes my two hands in hers. “I am a confident, sexy woman who deserves a good fuck.”
I burst out laughing, and an older woman walking past us gives us a judgemental glare.
“I mean it, Savannah. Say it!”
“Fine, fine.” I take a deep breath in and out. “I am a confident, sexy woman.” I pause, and Carlene gestures at me to continue. “Whodeservesagoodfuck.” I rush out the rest before slumping back in my seat.
“Good girl. Now you just have to believe those words.”
If only it were that easy.
“Okay, Yoda. Thanks for the wisdom. Can we go home now?”
Carlene stands and pulls me up beside her. “Yes, we can. And I’ll bet you a bottle of cheap wine that there’s a message waiting for you.”
It’s embarrassing how much I hope she’s right.
