When I look at my sister, she’s shaking her head at me, something akin to pity in her eyes. She reaches for my glass and the bottle of whiskey, eyeing it critically before pouring a measure and drinking it down.
“We need a second glass.” She gets up and walks into my kitchen where I hear cupboards opening and closing. She comes back with not only a second glass, but also some crackers and cheese.
“If I’m getting drunk with you, I need food.”
On command, my stomach growls.
“I guess you do, too.”
I nod silently, taking the cracker and cheese she holds out to me and eat it without tasting anything. I eat another, and another, until Mila finally gives me back my whiskey again.
“What are you going to do?” she asks as she sips her drink. I take a bigger swallow of mine before I answer.
“I have no fucking clue. I could apologize until I’m blue in the face, but she won’t believe my words anymore.”
“So, don’t use words.”
The way Mila says it, like earning Summer’s forgiveness is so easy, makes me angry. I slam my glass down, making the dog lift his head and woof softly. Pushing his head off my lap I stand and start to pace in front of the coffee table. The inertia I have been fighting for an hour is gone and in its place is an anxious restlessness that I can’t avoid.
“Goddamnit, Mills. Don’t you think I would do that if I knew how? All I want to do is go to her, grab her and hold on and not let go until she forgives me. I would do anything,anythingto get her to forgive me. But you didn’t hear her. The look on her face when she realized I had lied to her, that’s something I’ll never be able to forget.”
Mila’s silent after my outburst. I stare at her desperately, hoping she’ll have a solution, or even part of one. Something I can do.
“Do you know why being lied to is such a big deal for her?” Mila asks quietly.
I nod slowly. “Her mom. Not only did her mom lie to her about her dad for so many years, but she also dragged Summer all over the country chasing men and false promises.”
“Exactly. She lived for so many years watching men make a fool out of her mother. Saying one thing and doing another. Then she comes home, only to learn that her mother lied toherfor all those years about her dad. Is it really any surprise that after all that, her trust is easily broken? Hell, I’d say it’s a freaking miracle she trusted you at all.”
“I know. You’re right about all of it. But how do I fix this, Mila?” I make my way back to the couch and sink down. Mila sips her whiskey, looking at the dog who’s now draped across her lap.
“Well, first of all, you need to realize that it’s not only Summer trustingyouthat’s the problem. You need to trust her as well.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“You said that you love her, do you think she loves you?”
I force my mind to clear so I can think about that question seriously. A thousand moments over the last few weeks come back to me.
“Yeah, I do.”
“So why didn’t you trust that she wouldn’t leave if she knew about the Devereaux offer?”
Fuck.
“I…I don’t know.”
“That’s problem number one,” Mila states. “Problem number two is, you didn’t trust her enough to tell her that you loved her until you were worried about losing her.”
“Listen, the last thing I need are more problems. I need solutions,” I growl at my sister who is sitting beside me looking smug. “So if you came over to make me feel worse, great, you’ve succeeded.” I down my whiskey, then stand up again and walk to the front window, resting my arm against it, staring out into the darkness.
“Cut the dramatics, big brother, and shut up and listen. I’m here because I happen to love you both.” Mila’s calm and unruffled, even in the face of my anger. “You need to figure out why you didn’t trust your feelings, or her.”
“Because she could leave me. And I can’t lose someone else that I love,” I pivot on my foot to face her and yell the words I didn’t even know were inside of me until they came out.
“Holy shit. Is this about Mom and Dad dying?” Mila asks, wide-eyed. “Or Aubrey leaving you?”
Shit. I hadn’t even thought about my ex in years, but as soon as Mila says her name, it hits me. She’s right. I sink down to the couch. “Both? I don’t know.”
