“Mel, I won’t apologize for kissing you. Fuck, I’ve wanted to do that for way too long. Please, tell me you don’t regret it.”
Finally, she glanced up at him, and a sad, half smile crossed her face. “No, I don’t regret it. But it can’t go anywhere, Noah. You’ve got a son to focus on. And now you don’t have to stay here, so we can end this—”
He put his hand over her mouth to stop her. “No way, Mel. Stop with the excuses. Connor is in my life, but he’s also in yours, and so am I, for at least a little while longer. We can’t end things right away, it would be way too suspicious, what would CPS think?” He knew that was a stretch, after all, Connor was his biological son. Could they really do anything just because he had lied? Noah didn’t want to test that theory.
Clearly Mel agreed, as she nodded. “You’re right, you have to stay here a while longer. Still, we can’t. I can’t.”
When she pulled away from him, he felt the loss of her body against his keenly. She walked over to her bedroom and he couldn’t resist calling out to her. “You can’t run from us forever, Mel. You were into that kiss just as much as I was. I’ll wait till you’re ready, but whatever’s between us can’t be denied much longer.”
* * *
Melanie shut the door of her bedroom and threw herself down onto her bed with a muffled groan. Her body still vibrated with sexual energy, all thanks to one kiss from one man. Granted, that one kiss—their first—was better than any other kiss she could remember having. It would forever be cemented in her fantasies as the kiss to end all kisses.Damnit, now what.How could she go out there and face him? Carry on with their day as if nothing had happened? But that’s what she had to do. Put it down to being caught up in the moment, nothing more, and move on.
She stood up from her bed, smoothed down her hair and took a deep, cleansing breath, then another. With each inhale, she tried to re-establish her inner boundaries, those defenses that had stood in place for years, guarding her heart from any more pain. Noah had dismantled that wall, piece by piece. Slowly, over the first several months of their friendship, and then at breakneck speed these last few days of living together. It had happened with all of the little things he did for her, like making sure the apartment was clean, that dinner was ready for her in the evenings she was home, or getting up early to make her coffee when she had to go to work. She knew he was exhausted from caring for Connor, yet he still managed to make her feel cared for. And if she was honest with herself, it felt good having someone else in the apartment. She wasn’t lonely, as she had been for so long. When she heard the creak of the floors as Noah paced with Connor at night or saw him cuddling the baby against his bare chest, it felt right. Like it filled a hole inside her she had tried to ignore for too long.
But now was not the time to examine those feelings too deeply. Not while she was feeling so exposed from their kiss. So, she dressed for the day in warm leggings and a soft, drapey sweater, and went out to find Noah and Connor.
He looked up at her when she came into the main living room and smiled with an understanding expression on his face. Instinctively, she knew he realized she needed some space after the intensity of the moment between them. Still, she was drawn to him, and to Connor who lay cuddled in his arms now.
“How does it feel to look at him and know he’s yours?” she asked, as she softly stroked Connor’s cheek.
“I always knew he was mine, Mel. But it does feel good to have proof of that now,” came his confident reply.
She chuckled, but he was right. Noah had been certain from the moment he laid eyes on Connor that he was his child. “Well, let’s get going. What’s first on the plan for the day?”
“Actually, I kind of want to go by my mom’s house and tell her the news,” Noah said casually, as he loaded Connor into the car seat.
Melanie felt her mouth dry up. She had met Noah’s mother once before, at Callie and Jake’s wedding, but to see the woman now, after she had kissed Noah, felt weird. Would Molly be able to sense that things had changed between them?
“Oh, well, ummm, you could do that by yourself if you want, and I’ll get groceries while you’re out and just meet at the pub later?” she said in a rush.
Noah grinned. “Nah, come with me. My mom loves you, and I want to go to the store together. You always get the wrong kind of coffee,” he teased. She suspected he knew why she was trying to get out of going to his mom’s house but, she reluctantly realized, he wouldn’t give in on this.
“Fine. But when we get to the pub, you’re paying for my beer.” Mel picked up her coat and purse, then turned to grab the diaper bag from Noah. “And I happen to like the coffee I buy.”
Noah’s laughter followed her out the door, and she felt an answering smile stretch over her face as she waited for him by the elevator. This was more like it. Easy teasing, friendly banter. She could handle this. She could handle them.
On the drive to his mother’s house, Noah kept the conversation light, telling Mel some of the crazy things he had learned from the internet about typical habits and growth patterns for newborns. When he mentioned sleep regressions, Melanie burst out laughing. “You mean his sleep can actually get worse than it already is?”
Noah chuckled. “Sure can. Apparently, we’ve been lucky so far, he’s actually pretty easy to get to sleep. Some babies cry unless they’re held all day and all night.”
“Don’t get me wrong, he’s cute, and I love cuddling him. But maybe this is why it’s a good thing I can’t have kids. The idea of giving up my job and spending all freaking day with a crying baby makes me shudder,” she retorted.
Noah was quiet for a moment before he replied. “I don’t believe you. I see the way you are with Connor, you’re patient and loving, even when he’s screaming our ears off. I think you’d be an amazing mom, and you shouldn’t sell yourself short like that.”
At that moment he pulled into his mother’s driveway, parked the car and turned to her. She forced herself to look up at him, and when she spoke, she wasn’t exactly sure who she was trying to convince, Noah or herself.
“Maybe you’re right, but I’ll never know. And I’m okay with that, Noah, really. I made peace with my infertility years ago when Darren left. I chose to focus on my career, and I couldn’t be happier with my life, without kids.”
“It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing situation, Mel. You could have children, and not give up your career. You just have to find the right guy. Someone supportive, charming, handsome, willing to stay home with the kids, maybe even a guy who already has a cute baby ready to go for you.” He followed it up with a wink, and she had to laugh at his teasing.
“Now where the heck would I find a man like that?” she asked as she climbed out of the car.
He climbed out and smiled wickedly over the top of the roof at her. “Who knows, maybe if you opened your eyes, you’d find him right in front of you.”
Melanie rolled her eyes in response. “Yeah, yeah, enough already. Come on, let’s go tell your mom the news.”
* * *
