Every hair on my arms goes up.
He has the hat on forward today. It’s almost worse than it is backward because either way, my chest aches in a mournful way.
He sees me almost right away. His face doesn’t change. The shade of his hat shadows his eyes, and for the very first time in our existence together, his eyes stay on mine.
He keeps walking. I keep walking. In high school, he always walked past me like I didn’t exist. Right now, he’s holding eye contact with me until I have to be the one to break it.
I shuffle past him and feel the air close behind us. We don’t say anything to each other, and I can’t figure out if that’s a good or bad thing. My pulse is in my ears. I walk in the opposite direction from the dining hall. I don’t know where I’m going. And then I stop in my tracks and turn around.
Blue is gone. He’s already in the dining hall, and I’m left with that tightness in my chest. But this time, it’s turning into full-on anxiety. I shake out my cold fingers and try to think of what to do now. Well, I know what to do. I can’t be in a relationship if I feel this much towards another person –– it’s not fair, and I need to work on myself by myself. I used Chase to get over Blue, and it was wrong.
I pull out my phone to text Chase. I open the thread, and he’s already messaged me.
Chase:Sorry, I’ve been busy at work. The Halloween party is this weekend at Troy’s. I can’t wait to see you.
My stomach drops out of my body.
Me:Just got out of my second midterm. I think I did okay.
I bite the inside of my cheek again. I send the next one before I can stop myself.
Me:I don’t think I can make it to Troy’s this weekend.
The bubbles come up immediately.
Chase:What?
Chase:It’s Halloween.
Me:The girls wanted to get dressed up together. We’re all matching.
A pause.
Chase:So fuck me then.
I swallow. My heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my fingertips.
Me:What?
The phone starts to ring in my hand.
His name is on the screen.
I look at it for one full ring, then I click answer.
His voice is on the line before I can say hello.
“What are we doing, Melly?”
“What do you mean?” I gasp as my heart beats rapidly.
“You’re going to spend Halloween over there?”
My throat is tight. The words come out smaller than I want them to. “Yeah, the girls wanted —”
“The girls?” He scoffs. “What about us?”
The line goes quiet.
