I do know what he means.
“I mean,” he says, “you moved out of here, Melly.” His voice is even. He isn’t yelling. “You —” He pauses. He stares at something I can’t see. “I drove ninety minutes to hang out with you, and instead, we go to a party where we don’t know anyone, and then when we get back to the house, you make me sleep on the floor.”
This is it. I feel myself start to tear up. I press my face deeper into the pillow because the pillow is hiding most of what my face is doing. I try to suck the tears in.
“I was really drunk,” I say, like that erases what is actually going on.
“Mila has her own place,” he says. “But you insisted she stayed.”
“I —”
“I just don’t know what we’re doing anymore, Melly.”
The line goes quiet.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
It’s the only thing I have to offer.
He rubs his face with his free hand. He looks tired. Maybe he’s just tired of me.
“I’ll let you get some sleep,” he says. “We can talk later.”
I nod into the pillow, and then we get off the phone. I lie there for a long minute in the dark and think about the fact that I haven’t brought up Halloween. I’ve committed, in front of five other girls, to spending the weekend in a pair of feathered wings at the Hawthorne House.
I close my eyes and fall asleep eventually.
On Sunday, Penelope and I go out to lunch and study together in the afternoon.
Chase and I barely text.
I sent him a good morning at ten. He sends one back at three. The two messages sit on top of each other in our thread like two strangers.
Monday comes.
No good morning from him.
No good luck on my midterm. He knows I have one of my midterms today and he doesn’t text. I don’t have the energy to text him first. I go to my midterm. I ace it.
I tell Mila in the dining hall.
She doesn’t saygreat job.
She says, “Have you broken up with him yet?”
I shake my head, but I feel it coming.
On Tuesday, I walk out of Hayworth’s quiz with my pencil still in my hand and my shoulders up around my ears. Mila is on the curb of the building waiting for me.
“Lunch,” she says. “Dining hall. Pen says she and Lucy are coming.” She loops her arm through mine. She walks me toward the dining hall. “How did you do?”
“I did good. You?”
She grins. “I know I got a few wrong, but I’m not worried about it.”
The dining hall is loud. We get our trays and find a table by the window. Mila is on the topic of Chase, and I’m barely listening. Penelope is already at the table when we sit.
“Don’t let this drag out until Halloween, Melly,” Mila is saying. “You absolutely need to do it tonight.”
