“Yeah,” I smirk. “That too.”
She waits patiently for me to continue. I stare at her legs for a long moment, not knowing where to start. My heart’s slamming so hard against my chest that I forget how to talk. My eyes meet hers, and I think she knows what’s coming. I think she wants me to kiss her, but I can’t do that. Not yet. Not like this. Not without talking.
I want to tell her I’m done with the distance. I want to tell her she’s been the only one. I want to tell her every fucking thing I have not said. I open my mouth, and nothing comes out.
She places a hand on my back and asks, “Are you okay?”
I shake my head. “No. Yeah. I’m okay.”
I drop my head and adjust my hat. “I just don’t know how to do this, Melly.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“I haven’t done this before, and it feels––”
She leans her chin on my shoulder and murmurs, “It feels scary.”
I swallow. “Yeah.” I nod. “Very.”
I lick my lips, staring at the ground.
“I’m scared too,” she whispers. “Scared that you’re going to change your mind.”
I turn to her. Is she kidding?
I say, “I’m scared you’ve already changed your mind.”
“Then we have the same problem.”
I reach for her face. “I’m not going to change my mind, Mel. I’m done changing my mind.”
Her cheek rests in my palm as her breath falters.
“What if you do?”
“I won’t.”
“Blue.”
“Mel, I won’t.” I look at her, and I hold her eyes until she stops looking for the exit in my face. “I have spent two years pretending I could live without you. I can’t. I’m done pretending.”
Her eyes fill with water, but she doesn’t let the tears fall.
I continue, “I want you. In every way you’ll let me.”
She lifts her hand and touches mine on her cheek. “So, what are you saying?”
A slow smile grows on my face as I look at her. “I want to call you mine.”
“Really?”
I nod. I reach for her other cheek with my other hand. Both of my hands on her face. Her teary eyes on mine. “Melly Sorcha, will you be my girlfriend?”
Her face breaks into the biggest smile I have ever seen on her face, and it is wrapping itself around my heart and squeezing. It’s the look I have been dying to see on her face ever since I left her that night in high school.
She nods. “Yes.”
I exhale a breath I have been holding since I was seventeen years old.
