“Then what?” Benson says.
Stanley says, “Yeah. Get to the good part.”
I sigh. I haven’t told anyone this. “We lost our virginities to each other.”
There’s a small unison gasp from at least three of them. Stanley slaps the table hard enough to make Lucy jump on Benson’s lap. Benson goes very still. Rowan’s mouth opens andstays open. Percy makes one short sound, low in his throat, the small huh Percy makes when he is processing information.
I look up, swallowing the dread in my throat. “Senior year of high school. I ran, but I knew one day she’d come to Camden.”
“Is that why you chose Camden?” Rowan asks.
I stare at the table. “No. Opposite.”
A pause.
“Shit,” Benson says. “So you hooked up. She went to community college. She transferred here. Now you’re —”
He waits for me to finish.
“I’m fucked.” I nod.
“Yeah,” Stanley says. “We can tell.”
“She’s on my campus now, and I am––” I run a hand over my mouth.
Percy says, “She slept in your bed last night.”
I nod once. “We didn’t do anything.”
“You slept in your bed too?” Benson asks.
I nod. “She insisted.”
Rowan glances at the door, like he is going to reference the bench, and then he doesn’t.
He says, “When she was here today, she said she didn’t tell you she broke up with her boyfriend because she wanted to be your friend.”
I let out a small laugh. It’s not a real laugh. It’s a pathetic one.
Stanley clocks it. “Yeah, I shut that down for you, baby Blue, don’t worry. I told her you don’t have friends that are girls.”
“Nice one, Stan,” Percy mutters.
He nods. “Thanks.” Stanley turns back to me. “We need more.”
“More what?”
“Substance. You’re this fucked over the girl you lost your virginity to? Nah, man. Do you love her?”
The table goes silent. That is a loaded fucking question.
“Shit,” Benson murmurs after a solid ten second silence.
Stanley mutters, “I wish we had known this before the Halloween party. I would have made some magical shit happen.”
I think about last night. It was magical enough.
Stanley snaps his fingers. “Wait. This is why you don’t hook up with anyone? I thought you were gay, you know? I fucking put money down on it.”
