“Any sign of her?” Chloe adjusts the cap over her coiled hair, looking over the excited group of seniors ready to get on with it.
“No, not yet.” I tap my fingers along my thigh, worried that Alex isn’t going to make it. Her plane got in well after midnight, so maybe she overslept. I knew I should’ve banged on her door before leaving this morning.
Maybe I should try calling again.
Chloe continues to look around. “She better hurry up, or she’s not going to walk.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Do you think she ditched us and decided to stay in France?” Chloe asks.
She’s joking. I know she is. But a spike of anxiety goes throughme, and I reach for my phone again, only for it to buzz as soon my fingers graze the rubber casing.
It’s a message from Tyler.
U got this babe. Luv u.
The tassel slips back in front of my eyes, and I swipe at it, annoyed and frustrated. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the last-minute encouragement from my boyfriend, it’s just, if Alex doesn’t show up, like,right now, she really will miss our graduation.
Dr. Radly announces it’s time, and the anxiety triples. I tuck my phone back inside my gown right next to the folded piece of paper containing my speech and fluff the bottom portion of my hair. After a deep breath, I adjust the cords around my neck, organizing them to look as neat as I can on top of the two stoles. There are too many of them. I look ridiculous. Like an overachiever trying to brag about all my accomplishments.
“Stop fussing. You look great,” Chloe says as if reading my mind, then presses a kiss to my cheek. “Knock ’em dead, gorgeous.”
She darts off to her place in line, and I take a step forward. My brand-new heels are killing my feet. It makes me regret wearing them. Even though theydogo great with the matching midnight blue dress hidden underneath my gown.
I take one more look down the line for Alex, disappointment taking the place of anxiousness. I wish she was here, if not for herself, then selfishly for her to be my anchor during my speech. Having Chloe and Tyler in the crowd helps, but there’s something about Alex that settles my nerves and helps me breathe. But we start to slowly make our way through the corridor to the sound of “Pomp and Circumstance,” and I take a steadying breath, trying to focus on the moment.
When we step into the arena, the crowd reaches the rafters, their voices growing louder as family and friends search for their graduates. Once I’ve found my designated spot on the stage, I take slow breaths, mentally going through the words I know by heart.
“You ready?”
Rafi, our class president, sits to my left and shoots me a nervous smile.
“As I’ll ever be. You?”
He holds up a crumpled piece of paper in his fist. “I wrote a speech, but I think I might wing it.” The idea that he’s going to wing his addressto his fellow classmates and an arena full of people adds to my stress. “But, hey, at least I get to go first. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. I’d hate to go last.” He nudges me and winks. Nausea rolls around in the pit of my stomach. He’s right. I’d much rather go first and get it over with. Suddenly, I’m not sure I’m ready to give this speech.
On top of that, I’m not sure I’m even ready to graduate.
It’s too loud in here. There are too many people. My breathing picks up, and I start to panic. It all feels like too much.
My phone buzzes, and I know I should ignore it. But my hand seems to have a mind of its own, and it slips inside my pocket. I unlock it, and for a second, everything mutes.
It’s a text from Alex:
Rafi’s totally stoned. Ignore him. Your legs look great btw.
Almost instantly, my pounding heart slows down, and I don’t feel as if I’m going to puke. Then her words register. I search the student body, and sure enough, there’s Alex, sitting exactly where she’s supposed to be in her cap and gown. I shouldn’t be surprised that she managed to sneak in unnoticed—itisvery much on brand for her—but somehow, I am. She dons a smirk that’s equal parts arrogant and amused and waves as if she’s been here the entire time. Panic makes way for relief, like an anchor in a rocking boat.
I inhale, my breath no longer shaking. Now I’m ready.
My gown hangs open, and I grip my cap and certificate tightly while I weave my way through the sea of people outside of the arena. I thought the inside was crowded, but this? This is crazy. Everyone seems to be loitering along the edges of the building and spilling into the parking lot. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to find anyone in the middle of this chaos.
“Julia!”
My dad waves his arms over the sea of bodies, and I manage to make my way toward him. When I’m close enough, he pulls me against his chest and squishes me against the fancy camera hanging around his neck.
“We’re so proud of you.”
