The words don’t come easily, a clear sign they carry a heavy weight she is still reluctant to share. Leaning against the back of a settee, she gives in.
“I am happy for you. For you both. Know that first and foremost,” she begins, and I feel a knot start to form in my stomach.
“But…”
“But it won’t be easy.” Her eyes widen but fail to reveal the full truth of her concern.
“I know it’s not typically his kind—your kind—and my own. I can’t imagine my life without him, Soria.” I feel the sharpness, love and pain, in my own voice, backed by the fire that burns deep within. The knowing I will do whatever it takes for this love.
“It’s more than that.” She leans in, her back straightened now. Much more the powerful caregiver I have grown used to. “There are expectations. Not just on him, but on who he chooses. Do you know that our kind and mortals, they cannot bear children?”
Her question cuts to the point. I feel my shoulders drop, my head sink low. “I’d never imagined myself as a mother,” I murmur barely above a whisper, but I know she hears every word. “I gave up on that long ago.” I feel the ache in my heart. I gave up on it because it’s a love I have never known. And by the time I left the village, I had given up on the idea of any love. “The blessings I feel to have Vale in my life are more than I’d ever hoped for. And you and Ace, you’ve become my family.”
She reaches across the small distance to me, a shared ache and acceptance. “Then as someone who cares about you deeply, let me tell you this. Mira, you may be content without a child, or you may not, time will tell—but the kingdom, they expect differently. Andwhat about Vale? Everything I know about him, he wants a family. He wants children. Not only that, but it’s expected. An heir to carry on his legacy.
I say this because you need to know the stakes. The kingdom has already waited for him to find love. If they feel that they have to wait out your lifetime, because as much as it pains me to say this, the fact is we will all likely long outlive you, they may not remain patient.”
I lean back heavily, my brow coming together in a knot; I hadn’t given it the thought. I knew it would be an arduous road, being accepted as Vale’s wife, but it was worth fighting for. The love I have for him, that he has for me—absolutely worth it. But denying him children, even if just a delay… “I’m being selfish, aren’t I?”
“Oh dear, come here.” We move to both sit beside each other on the settee now. “I can think of no greater reason to be selfish than a love that is met so truly by another.” Her back straightens, head high. “I never said it was selfish or impossible. Children are a rare blessing here amongst us. It’s not unheard of for couples to spend years, or even decades, waiting to be blessed with a child, even more so since the magic left our lands. Why, even Vale’s sister is over a century younger than him.” She pats my hands, but it does little to comfort me.
“The thought of an entire kingdom waiting for my life to end is less than ideal.” I laugh as if that might soften the blow.
“Then you must be worth the wait, my dear.”
Her voice is warmer now; I think the fire in her may well rival my own. Spirited. It’s no wonder I adore her so.
“I don’t want to deprive Vale of anything though. Even if I win over all of Caerhollan, I don’t want him…”
“You stop right there.” The sternness in her voice is scolding and assuring. “He loves you. He has waited for you. Whatever his future holds, I know without a doubt that he loves you. I have watched that man since we were both little more than children. Held each other up when grief tore us down, and I have never, NEVER, seen him as happy as he is with you.”
Leading me back to the vanity mirror, she scoops my hair into her hands, piling it atop my head and loosely holding it here. “Be the crowning jewel, make them love you the wayheloves you. We all see the way you can shine. For this, my dear, you must be dazzling.”
Each adornment, every layer of linen and silk, I now wear like armor. The rouge across my cheek, my war paint as I step into battle. The weight of everything baring down heavier; it’s a struggle to not let it stop me altogether.
I walk through the halls with Soria at my side. I will not be meeting Ace in the library today. Knowing he is in council meetings with Vale, playing the part of second in line to the throne, I feel the pressure upon us all. Yet we have their support, Soria and Ace’s both, that has to mean something. The way the earth seems to move, the air shifts, and even the light sings since I have been here, it must not be for nothing.
I clutch Soria’s hand in mine as we enter the Solarium. I have spent more time in this space over the last few weeks than I did any social hall or gatherings in the village. I remind myself why I braved into the room on my own in the first place. It wasn’t just to win over hearts, but to actually claim my own place here. In this land, among these people. Something I was already doing quite well at from the reception last night.
Everything is graver now. I am not merely an outsider hoping to find a home, but I am a stranger taking a place beside their king. Not for a moment, but for a lifetime. My lifetime.
I’ve thought my mortal years to be so trivial and meaningless alongside their own lives. But now, now it all feels so strange.
I shake it off, the smile on my face no longer the blank placeholder I carry anytime I move through a crowd. I lock onto any and everything that draws it out in earnest.
Spirits are still high after last night's revelries. I am welcomed eagerly amongst the groups I stop to linger at. I compliment Lady Corrin on her gown. Honestly, knowing the labors she puts into each garment is a marvel. Hard work I respect, even as she brags about the carton of chiffon meant for her during the harvest market trades.
Avelyn waves at us, motioning to the open chairs at the table crowded with chattering young women. Young. I laugh at myself. For all I know, they could be twenty or two hundred. Save for those who have seen the greater part of a millennium pass, everyone carries a youthful glow. Though I suppose the depth of the pain behind the eyes of some give a clue.
Most of those at the dinner before Vale left seemed to be older, long-established members of the court such as Lady Corrin. Lady Serin had been there that night as well, asking me how I was finding Caerhollan. She was one of the first to welcome me when I braved the Solarium on my own. She was one that seemed somewhere in between. Still a vision of beauty with nary a grey hair in sight, but something in her told me she carried scars of the past.
The group at this table, though, they all seem largely unburdened. Perhaps they had never known magic or the war and hunger that followed. No, I don’t think they have. I find the lightness in their conversation comforting. It’s odd. It’s somehow less shallow than that of some of the more weathered individuals I have talked to, clinging to topics of passing seasons or fashion as if anything beyond is more than they can handle anymore. These ladies—Avelyn, Carynth, Brindwyn, Milandra, and Sephfren—allow themselves to be excited and hopeful.
“He says he’ll take me with him,” Milandra muses, the girls captivated by whatever story I just entered into the middle of.
“It’s been ages since I’ve been to Veredyn,” Brindwyn chimes in. “I went with my father to trade years ago. Do you really think he’ll take you?”
“Not only that,” Milandra draws out a long pause knowing she holds every ear captivated. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he asks to marry me before then!” The girls all erupt in noise. I smile quietly, casting a careful sidelong glance at Soria, the one person here privy to my own secret engagement.
