I shrug and move towards him. “I didn’t know you owned my alarm clock.”
I can’t help the aggression in my voice and take a breath to try to rein it in. It’s too late, though, because he knows me very well.
“Whoa. Who pissed in your cornflakes?”
“Nobody.” I look up at the waitress who’s arrived at the table. “Coffee, please.” She nods and walks away,
Jez huffs. “Where the hell is Xavier?”
“I don’t know,” I say honestly, because he’d left my bed sometime in the night. I’d woken from another hideous dream, barely managing to keep my scream in. I’d reached for him and found cold sheets and empty arms, and even though I know it was the right thing to do, I’d felt oddly chagrined. Now I feel like my skin is crawling, as if that nightmare has left grit all over my body. Combined with the rage over what I found out last night, I might be on the rare verge of losing my temper. “Maybe if you were nice to him, you’d actually know yourself.”
He rolls his eyes. “Please don’t start this again. You’ve seen how irritating he is.”
“He’s not irritating,” I snap. His eyes widen, and I take a breath to calm down. “He’s funny and clever. Very like you, actually.”
“He’snothinglike me.”
“He actually is, and that’s what’s winding you up.” I stare at him. “Well, that and a guilty conscience.”
He jerks. “What the fuck does that mean?” he says far too loudly, and a family nearby offers him glares. I smile apologetically at them and then turn back to my friend. My best friend.
“When did you find out you had a son?” I ask.
He runs his finger along his collar and gives a nervous laugh. “What the hell? You already know the answer to that.”
“Do I? I actually don’t think I do. When, Jez?” My voice is chilly and cold, and he shifts uneasily. He hates it when I’m angry with him, so this must be excruciating because I’m not just angry. I’m fucking furious.
“Well—”
I hold up a finger. “Don’t lie,” I snap. He shifts, and I shake my head. “Oh my god,” I say softly. I spent a lot of hours last night wondering if Xavier had got it wrong somehow, butlooking at Jez now, I know he didn’t. My rage grows at the thought of a small baby left alone, reliant on the good graces of adults, none of whom wanted him. It breaks my heart. “You knew all along.”
“Where did you get that from?” It’s weak, and he knows it. I wait for the aggression to spring up. It’s always there when he’s cornered. On cue, his mouth tightens. “That little shit,” he spits.
“Yourson?” I say incredulously. “Is that who you’re talking about?”
“Fucking relax. He’s been stirring the shit, then. I’ll have to say thank you.”
“You’ll do no such thing. He didn’t say a word,” I lie. My voice is like ice.
“Then how did you know? Who told you?”
I stare at him. “You just did.”
He maintains his glare for a second and then sags. “Shit,” he whispers.
I lean forward over the table. “You knew all along and did what?” He doesn’t say anything. “You didnothing,” I hiss. “You know how I feel about things like this. Your own child, Jez, and you left him to the mercy of fate.”
“He’s not Perseus.”
“Oh, and you somehow think humour should be the right option in this conversation.” He sighs, and I carry on. “Thank god his grandparents were there and did the right thing.”
He looks up with stormy eyes. “So hedidsay something.”
“No, he didn’t. It’s obvious they stepped up because they’ve reared him with no financial and emotional support from you.” I shake my head. “I’msodisappointed in you.”
A look of devastation crosses his face, and then he shoots out his hand to stop me as I go to stand up. “Wait. I’m sorry.”
“You’re apologising tome?”
