Hisson. What the fuck am I doing here? I’m flirting with the nineteen-year-old son of my best friend. Are warzones not dangerous enough for me?
I step away from Xavier unobtrusively and then make myself smile at Jez. “Yeah, I think we’re done.”
We fall into step and head for the exit, making our way back through the exhibits. Xavier stops and looks back at the hall’s largest space. It’s been decorated with giant banners containing images from famous graphic novels, and a light show has been projected onto the white walls all around us, so it feels like you’re inside a book. To reinforce the suggestion, the images flicker every few seconds, like a page turning to reveal a new graphic.
“It was so good,” he says quietly. “Thank you, Reuben.”
“Thank your dad,” I say quickly. “He brought you.”
He smiles at Jez, and I see Jez unbend under the regard. “Thank you, Papi.”
I groan, and Jez looks at me. “Papi?”
“Never mind. Here’s the gift shop.”
Jez rolls his eyes. “After our years at school, I know it is genetically impossible for you to ignore art show gift shops.”
I shrug. “You can pick up some great books in them that you can’t find elsewhere.” Xavier wanders in, and I lag behind. “It’d be nice if you could buy him something,” I whisper.
He blinks. “Who?”
“Yourson,” I say through gritted teeth. “Isn’t that what this whole fucking day is about?”
“Never mind that. I just spoke to Jack again.” He beckons me closer. “He’s done some calculations and he reckons he can get us into Afghanistan sooner than we thought.”
My heart starts to thud against my chest. “When?”
He consults his phone. “Monday, if you like. He’s given me three other dates later in the week when we can get in.”
Sweat erupts in cold beads down my spine, and a sudden wave of dizziness has me leaning against a nearby wall. “Monday’s too soon,” I snap.
He stares at me. “What the fuck?Why?”
“I want a break. I’ve told you this several times.”
“I thought you were joking.”
“Why would I joke about something like needing a break?” I say, striving for patience and failing.
“Okay, keep your hair on. Shall I tell him yes to Monday?”
“But what about the funeral? We wouldn’t be able to make it.”
He rolls his eyes. “What is with you lately? It’s just Sean. He’s dead and won’t know the difference. We’re alive, and this is about us. We need to get back to Afghanistan as soon as possible.”
I stare at him. “Wow. Just Sean, who mentored both of us.”
He frowns. “Are you honestly saying you’d hold off on getting to a job early just for someone who’s dead and won’t appreciate it?”
“Iwantto pay my respects,” I say through gritted teeth. “And so should you. I seem to remember Sean doing some pretty smart talking to get you out of that mess in Egypt.”
He holds up his hand. “Okay. Chill for fuck’s sake. I’ll tell Jack the day after the funeral, yes?”
I glance towards the gift shop and inhale sharply when I look straight into Xavier’s eyes. He’s standing by a table full of art materials, but his attention is all on me, and I can read concern in his eyes like it’s printed in two-hundred-point font. I have the sudden desire to stay here with him. The hours I’ve spent with him have felt free of worry and fear, and God, I crave that right now.
I let out my breath. I’m being absurd. I barely know the kid and getting as far away from the trouble he represents would be the smartest option for my long-term health.
I lick my lips, knowing Jez is waiting for a response. The thought of going back to Afghanistan makes me want to drop to my knees and scream. But I’ve learned that fear is something Imust face head-on. Avoidance will become a form of slow death and misery if I linger forever in indecision.
