“You’re very welcome,” I say awkwardly.
He drops his napkin in an insolent gesture in front of Jez and saunters off. When my gaze drifts to his arse, I wrench my eyes away and turn my attention to Jez.
He’s staring at his phone, his lips pressed into a thin line. “What a little shit,” he mutters, pocketing his phone.
“Jez.”
“Oh, chill out for fuck’s sake. You can see it too.”
“See what?”
“He reminds me far too much ofher.”
“Who?”
“His mother. Now my memory’s coming back, I’m pretty sure she was as boring as he is.”
“Boring?” I gape at him. “How can you say that? He’s clever and very funny.”
“Oh, leave it out.”
“So, let me get this straight. You were just incredibly rude to your only son, whom you’ve met today for the first time, and cut a meal short so you could go off to a club and get your balls drained?”
“Should have done that before I met his mother.”
“That’senough,” I snap, standing up.
His mouth slackens in astonishment. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Youare what’s wrong with me. I’ll always be your friend, but sometimes I really question why.”
“Don’t be like that.”
I stalk across the room, but he calls after me as he hastily follows. “Come on, Reuben. We’re going clubbing. I’ve booked the taxi.”
“Then go on your own. I’m going to bed.”
He stops in his tracks. “You’re kidding.”
“I’m really not. I don’t like you very much right now, and I’m actually ashamed of you. I never thought I’d say that.”
His expression flickers, and for a second, I think I’ve got through to him, but then his face hardens. “Suit yourself,” he snaps and strides out of the hotel.
I watch him go and then sigh. Despite what I said, I don’t want to go to bed. The sooner I do that, the faster the bad dreams will haunt me.
I drift to the bar, grab a beer, and then head outside to the patio I’d spotted earlier. It’s deserted now, lit only by the strings of patio lights. They bob in the breeze, sending patterns of light over the old stones. I can smell the cut grass and the sweet fragrance of lilac from the bushes nearby.
Sitting down at a picnic bench, I fumble in my pocket and pull out my cigarettes. I light one and exhale the smoke towards the sky. The stars are bright tonight and almost look close enough to touch, but they’re not a patch on the stars in Afghanistan. I remember sitting smoking by a campfire. The air was crisp and cold, and so fresh you could almost taste it, and the stars hung over me like a bejewelled net. When I tipped my head back they seemed to wheel and move over me until I grew dizzy. The image is so real that I wonder for a second if this place is the dream, and I’m really back there. It’s disorientating.
“There you are.”
I inhale a lungful of smoke and cough like I’m on my last legs. “Shit,” I splutter, banging my chest. “I need to put a bell on you.”
Xavier comes to sit next to me. “I’m pretty sure I’ll let you hang it on my cock.”
I baulk. “Please,no. Just no.”
He laughs. “Why not?”
