Suddenly, I’ve had enough. I turn away from him and make my way down the stairs to the dance floor. It’s so loud I can feel the beat in my feet, and the air is thick with a hundred different colognes. I edge into the crowd and start to dance. Almost immediately, two arms wind around me, and a body rubs against my back.
“No,” I snap, shoving the arms. “Fuckoff.”
“Rude,” the bloke huffs and turns away to press his attentions on someone else.
“Insomnia” by Faithless comes on, and the crowd whoops. My breath hitches as memories swamp me. Suddenly, I’m back in that hotel room listening to Reuben’s laughter. I shove the memory away with a fierce determination learned over the years and let the beat move my body.
Instinct tells me that someone is looking at me. I look up and find Reuben standing at the glass wall of the private room staring down at me. For a second, I freeze. Does he remember what I do—the glow sticks, the faulty dry ice machine, and the laughter? Laughter that was so loud that it somehow seems to have echoed through the years.
The moment is broken as Robbie steps in front of me.
“Go away and annoy someone else,” I snap, turning my back on him and moving to the heavy beat, my hands in the air.
He sidles behind me, his hands coming onto my hips. “No need to be like that,” he shouts. He holds me tight and moves against me, forcing his cock into my backside. “Look up,” he shouts in my ear.
I follow his pointing finger. Reuben is still watching us, but now his arms are folded, and he’s scowling. I can almost feel Robbie’s delight in the situation. His grip is tight, and I know he’s bruising me. I’m just about to tell him to fuck off when I see a young man come up next to Reuben. He’s small and pretty, his blond hair flopping over his forehead. I think he’s one of the makeup artists, and no one knows better than me that he’s Reuben’s type. He says something to Reuben. Reuben’s face softens as he looks down at him.
Fuck this. Fuck him.
I turn in Robbie’s arms. “You were saying?” I shout, and he laughs, throwing his head back. I kiss down his neck as we grind against each other, perfectly syncopated. The next time I glance up at the VIP lounge, the young man is gone. Reuben meets my gaze, and our eyes clash and cling. I raise my arms and slide them around Robbie’s neck, pressing into him.
I shift a glance at him and find he’s staring at Reuben with a mocking expression. Then he lowers his head and sucks my earlobe into his mouth, his tongue swirling around my earring. Reuben’s attention is solely on me.
The music dims, the club seems to empty, and the only thing is me and Reuben and the current between us that’s like an arcing electrical cable. Then Reuben simply turns and disappears. One minute he’s there, the next he’s gone. As if he were bored and suddenly decided to cut out. I blink as if a spellhas broken, the music flooding back in. I feel stupid and very young. What am I doing here? I’m suddenly very tired.
Robbie drags me closer, but I resist. “I’m done,” I shout. He holds his fingers to his ear, and I step close. “I’m going.”
He kisses me suddenly, his lips avaricious, forcing my mouth open. I jerk as I taste something acrid and feel something on my tongue. I pull away, shoving him as he comes after me. I spit on the floor and see the remains of a tiny white tablet. “What thefuckdid you give me?”
“Just a tab,” he shouts. “Thought you might need loosening up a bit.”
I shove him. “You absolute fuckingshithead.”
His eyes are arrogant, his expression supercilious. “Chill out, babe. You take shit every day.”
“I don’t, but whatever I do take,Imake the decision to take it. Notyou.”
I shove him again and nearly lose my balance as a wave of dizziness hits. He grabs me, ignoring my mumbled protests, and pulls me tight, grinding against me. I raise my hands to push him away, but they don’t seem to be working properly, and instead, I slump against him, letting him move me around like a doll.
I blink. The lights are a bright cherry red and pulse like a heartbeat. I hear someone laughing and realise it’s me. Robbie is watching me, and I think I see calculation on his face before it blurs and morphs into a moon.
I laugh again. Everything slows, and I let my head fall back. He kisses my neck, but I can’t summon any concern. There’s just a warm feeling of oblivion.
Robbie tugs me, and I suddenly realise we’re moving, because when I look down my legs and feet are making forward motions. That strikes me as so funny that I laugh and laugh.Robbie says something, but I can’t make out the words. I look up at the glass where Reuben was, but there’s no one there.
Time seems to speed up. We’re in a lift, and I become very intent on the reflection on the glossy wall. There appears to be four of me. Four Xaviers. Reuben would have a stroke due to the aggravation. I try to tell Robbie, but my tongue feels too big for my mouth.
I blink, and we’re walking along a corridor, Robbie’s arm gripping me tightly. He’s talking, but I can’t understand him. He stops outside a door, there’s a click, and then he pushes me into a room. I think it’s a bedroom, but the light is too bright, and I put up my hand to shield my eyes.
He shoves me, and I tumble onto a soft surface that must be a bed. He says something, and I try to concentrate. He says it again, and the words sort themselves into a sentence.
“I’ve always wanted to fuck you.”
“You’re a wanker,” I try to say. What comes out is a slurring mumble.
He undresses, throwing his clothes to the side. Then he’s naked and fisting his cock. “Yeah, you want it. I know it.”
He comes down on top of me, spreading my legs. I fumble, trying to push him off, but he holds my hands down easily. He moves back and I feel him unbuckle my belt and slide my jeans off. I wonder if I should be scared, but what is happening seems far from reality. My eyes slide closed, and he presses against me.
