“Inevermind a sweaty you,” I say solemnly. “After all, it’s led to some quite life-changing situations for me.” His mouth twitches, and I raise the duvet, gesturing him briskly into the bed. “Well, get in.”
“It’s rather like being in the army.”
“Wow. His majesty’s forces sound much more fun when you talk about them like that. Maybe a career in the military is the thing for me.”
“I think they’ve suffered enough with budget cuts to inflict you on them as well.” He slides into bed with a weary sound. “God, these sheets smell of you,” he says in a throaty voice. My dick twitches, but I will it down. Now is not the time. He yawns. “Is it really alright?” he asks in a voice worn thin with tiredness and the dregs of his dream.
“Of course. I never issue invitations I don’t mean.” I slide in next to him. “Do you think you can sleep with me beside you?”
He looks at me solemnly, blinking sleepily like an owl. “Maybe.” He hesitates. “Is it alright if I big spoon?” he asks awkwardly. “I don’t like to be held—it’s too containing, but I love skin to skin.”
I wonder how many men he’s said that to, but I ignore the twinge of pain because I have no right to feel it. Instead, I roll onto my side. “Spoon away.”
He edges up close, and I can’t help my soft sigh as his strong arms encircle me. Warmth instantly floods through me like I have brandy in my veins. It’s been a year since I last felt his long, hard body against mine, and it’s an almost painful relief—like life tingling back into cold limbs. I squeeze his arm, and silence falls. Then he nestles his face into my neck and inhales deeply.
“Thank you,” he whispers. It’s unbearably intimate in the close confines of my bed.
“Do you want to talk about the dream?” He stiffens, and I immediately regret my question. I reach back and pat his hip. “Sorry. Don’t answer that.”
“It’s fine, Xavi. If I could talk to anyone, it would always be you.” There’s a simple truth in his voice.
“But not now?”
“Maybe not ever about this one. I just can’t. Some things you might eventually forgive me for. I don’t think this one will ever be one of those.”
His voice has roughened, and a chill shivers down my spine. I stroke his arm. I want desperately to know now, but I can’t force it. I’m presuming it’s about something that happened to him overseas. “That’s fine,” I say eventually. “I don’t own your mind or your secrets.”
“I can’t tell you this one,” he insists.
“Then don’t tell me,” I say simply. I take a deep breath. “Just know that the only thing I’d never have forgiven you for was if you had died while working and never came home.”
His arm twitches but he says nothing.
I wonder what could be so bad he couldn’t tell me, but I can’t force it. So instead, I stroke his arm slowly and hum as I do.
His body goes still. “Is that …is that 50 Cent?” he asks, his voice lightening.
“It is. I wouldn’t have expected you to recognise the tune as he wasn’t singing to the troops in World War Two.”
“I do happen to like more modern music. It was just a bit of a surprise because I wouldn’t have classed ‘Candy Shop’ as a lullaby.”
“I’ll have you know that there are guaranteed restorative properties in my humming, and I can make anything sound good,” I say crossly.
He chuckles, and I keep humming, snuggling my cold feet under his, and eventually a sweet, contented silence falls. His breathing lengthens, and as if on cue, the bed depresses gently.
Reuben stiffens. “Is that dog on the bed?” he mumbles.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I say airily. “It’s not good to think so hard about things.”
“Just hearing you say that makes me feel like I’m balancing over a live mine wearing a tutu.”
I snort. “Bernard says you’d look very fetching in a tutu.”
“Did he say that while he was stretching out on my very expensive mattress?”
“Possession is nine tenths of the law,” I say knowledgeably, and he laughs.
I can tell the moment he falls asleep. His arm slackens, and his breathing slows, but I carry on stroking his arm and humming. I would do it for eternity if he needed it. I don’t know whether that makes me the stupidest man on earth, but I can’t summon the energy to care while I’m lying in the warm shelter of his body.
