She raised her chin. “I have none. It was—” She sought the right word.Magical?Breathtaking?“Everything I wanted. More, even.” She watched his throat bob, saw desire rise in his eyes, overcome the madness for an instant before he closed them, rubbed them with his thumb and finger. “What we shared was freely offered, Dair. I don’t regret it. I wanted it, wanted you, because . . .”I love you.She could not speak the words aloud, knew he wouldn’t believe them.
Instead she crossed the room, took his hand, looked at his torn knuckles. The cuts were deep, had bled freely. He was trembling. She put her hand on his chest, felt his heart hammering. He stood without moving for a moment, then brought his arms around her with a groan, held her tight.
“You have to leave, Fia. Tomorrow, at first light.”
Despair coursed through her. So soon? “I’d rather stay,” she whispered back, her voice husky. “I need to stitch your hands.”
He pushed her away, began pacing again. “It isn’t safe here.” He glanced around the room nervously. She felt a chill creep up her spine as his eyes burned into hers. “It’s Jeannie. She won’t allow this, with you. I owe her everything, you see.”
Fia felt a flare of desperation fill her breast. “You owe her nothing, Dair. She’s dead, at peace. Let her go.”
He crossed the room in three strides, scooped a bit of cloth from the floor, and held it out to her, bunched in his fist. “She isn’t gone. She’s here. Do you see this? It’s hers. She was wearing it the day we sailed, and the day we were captured. It’s her blood . . .”
Fia took the silk shawl. The delicate silk was indeed covered with dark stains. She let it fall. “It isn’t her blood, Dair, it’s yours, from the cuts on your hand. Let me help you.”
He pulled away. “This is what she wants, what she needs—my blood, my mind, my soul.”
She stared at him. “That sounds—”
“Mad?” The word was harsh, ugly, desperate, and she winced.
She could not accept that, despite the evidence before her. “No. You are not mad.”
His face split in a death’s-head grin. “Because you cured me, made me whole again by giving me your body? It was sex, Fia, nothing more. I am—was—a sailor. It’s what sailors do. They fuck where they can, and then they sail on, alone. Always alone.”
She felt tears sting her eyes.
“I will arrange an escort for you and your sister. Go home, Fia. There’s nothing for you here.”
Shock kept her rooted the spot. Her own body trembled now. “I won’t just turn my back on you, leave you to ghosts and madness.”
“Think of it as an adventure gone awry. That, if nothing else, will keep you from making the same mistake in the future. Stay away from madmen.” She saw regret flash through his eyes, alleviate the madness. He was still there, her Dair, the man she loved. He wasn’t mad, only lost.
“You called me yours, told me you’d kill any other man who—”
“Men say a lot of things in the heat of lust.”
She raised her chin. “You’re cruel, Dair Sinclair, but you aren’t mad.” He looked at her, his lips drawn back in a snarl, but she stood her ground. “You aren’t mad!” she said again. She opened her arms to him, and he tumbled into her embrace, buried his face in her neck. He was trembling with fear, or need. She kissed his scarred cheek, whispered in his ear. “Take me.” She led him to the bed, fell backward, still holding him.
“God, Fia, I want you—” He ground his erection against the apex of her body. He dug his fingers into the lacings of her gown, tore them open. He shoved her skirts up, pulled aside his plaid, and plunged into her with a guttural oath. It was hard and fast, over in moments, and he rolled off of her, lay beside her with his arm over his eyes.
“Forgive me,” he murmured.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” she said, and reached for him. He pulled away.
“I didn’t mean you,” he said, rising, straightening his clothing.
Fia shivered and got up, let her skirts fall. Her bodice was torn. She folded her arms over her exposed breasts. “Dair—”
“Go, Fia, just go.”
She stood behind him, her legs shaking, her heart pounding.
“Get out.” His voice was as sharp as a dirk. “I don’t want to see you again.”
She didn’t move. Couldn’t. With a curse he spun, grabbed her arm, dragged her across the room. He opened the door and flung her through it, his face as hard as stone.
She held out her hand before he could slam it shut. He was ashamed, in pain, afraid. “Please, Dair, don’t do this.”
