Cason’s voice echoed off the barn and across the arena, pulling me fully from my dark thoughts. The smile he aimed Cash’s way shone brighter than any of the arena lights. “Funcle Cash!” he called from atop Peckerhead, urging the gelding toward us.
“Hi’ya, little man,” Cash called back, waving animatedly before coming to my side and leaning against the pipe-stall. “You almost done?” he asked, glancing my way.
“Just about. Though I’m sure the kid would love if you gave him a few pointers.” I caught a glimpse of red tail lights before they disappeared completely. “What part of the Cash system we at with this one?”
Cash’s gaze flicked to mine, concern dulling his usually bright, happy features. I almost never commented or asked about his conquests. I didn’t care, because I knewhe didn’t careabout them. Not really. They were only there to fill a void. A hole that’d been there since the summer he graduated high school. A hole that he seemed set to dig himself further and further into. Before he could get a word out, Cason came to a stop before us.
“How’s your lesson goin’, bud?” Cash recovered quicker than me, a dazzling smile lighting up his face.
“Good!” Cason beamed right back. “Uncle Mav said he thinks I’m ready to start ropin’ on the horse!”
“Now, hold your roll there, kid,” I replied, pegging Cason with a pointed look. “There were two parts to that. What was the first?”
Cason’s cheeks reddened as he offered me a sheepish grin and replied, “He said I gotta rope the dummy cow fifty times in a row—”
“Andthenyou can start ropin’ off him,” I finished, crossing my arms—covered, mainly because of the cold—over my chest.
Cash clapped his hands together, a warm grin on his lips. “Well, you heard Uncle Mav. How ‘bout you go tie up ol’ Peckerhead over by the barn and grab out the ropin’ dummy and get started?”
“But fifty’s a lot!” Cason whined, albeit halfheartedly.
I bit back a chuckle at that. “How ‘bout this? You do half tonight, and half tomorrow before our lesson.”
Cason’s whoop of excitement was answer enough.
“But—” I cut in, before he could get too excited. “No misses. You mess up, you miss, well, then you start back at zero.”
That seemed to take the wind out of his sails a bit, but he still held that level of enthusiasm only he and Cash seemed to have about mundane things. He nodded, a grin on his face. “Deal, Uncle Mav.”
I nodded. “Well, go on then. Tie him up and get started.”
Cash and I remained in relative silence as Cason rode the old gelding out of the arena and toward the barn to tie him up. When he was finally out of ear shot, Cash whirled on me.
“What’s goin’ on?” His brows knit together, a rare frown on his face.
He reminded me of Cheyenne in that way. Not much seemed to get them down for too long. You could always expect them to be laughing, smiling. But where Cheyenne reminded me of the sun, Cash reminded me of summer nights. Warm, wild, and full of mischief.
I didn’t lie. I didn’t try to make excuses. With a sigh, I leaned my arms against the pipe-stall, staring unseeingly toward the arena. “Cheyenne’s thinkin’ of includin’ Mae in the baby’s name.”
Cash stiffened at my side. Talk of Ellie—or my family at all, for that matter—wasn’t somethin’ we did often. Cash didn’t really remember her too much, only that her, him and True had played together a few times when Dad was gone or too drunk to bother fighting Mom about taking us to visit the Mooney’s. But those occasions had been rare. Mom had always tried to hide the damage Dad did from Uncle Bad and Goodie. I had no doubt if they’d known what all he’d done to us, they’d have killed him.
It sure as hell made Cash uncomfortable. To him, we were brothers, we took care of each other, and the infrequent reminder of my dark past upset him. Not that he’d have been able to do anything, but he’d always taken upon himself to look out for me. And he always had.
Cash’s stare was heavier than a semi-truck as I turned to meet his gaze. “You okay with that?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yeah…I’m honored, actually. Deserves to be something good that comes outta my family.”
“She ain't the only good,” Cash said, his voice soft yet determined. “Youcame outta that family.”
My chest tightened, a mixture of emotions fighting for dominance in my heart—pride and love, but also guilt and disbelief. Throw them all together and I didn’t know what to think, let alone what to say even. So, I did what I did best: I didn’t say a damn thing. Blowing out a breath, I reached for my hat, removing it to run a hand through my close-cropped hair.
My heart went out to my cousin. He’d always been my biggest supporter, my fiercest friend. My brother. He might be a pain in the ass, but he had a good heart. A far better one than he let people think he had.
I didn’t look at him as I picked at the felt of my hat, ensuring that nothing was out of place. A lump lodged in my throat as my mouth bobbed open and closed once. Twice. “I’m…” I cleared my throat. “I’m afraid I’m gonna turn out like him.”
This entire time, from the moment Cheyenne decided she wanted to keep the baby and stay with me—giving me the honor and chance to raise her as my own—this dark thought had hung around, lurking in the shadows, growing, festering. What if I ended up like my dad? I didn’t have many good memories with him, but he couldn’t always have been bad. Mom wouldn’t have been with him if he’d always been that way, right?
Cash scoffed, disbelief coating his features. “What the hell makes you think that?”
