I scream as Noah hauls me away. I grasp the door frame, trying to get free with every ounce of my strength, but my muscles fail me. My fingers slip off the cold metal and I glance at Phantom for what I fear is the last time. In my periphery, red and blue police lights flicker.
“It’s okay,” Phantom mouths. “Go.”
36Save Them
Noah helps me up into the ambulance bay. And even though I hate him right now, I’m grateful for the help. I can’t see where I’m going through all the tears.
Once I’m seated, an EMT takes my vitals and does an exam. After a few minutes, they deem me healthy and leave Noah and me alone. I watch the front door to Phantom’s building. The police have convened outside it and are going in after Phantom.
I try to reach for my broken heart, only to realize it’s no longer there. Not literally of course. The organ is still pumping in my chest like it’s always been. But figuratively, my heart is still in that building. Going wherever Phantom goes. And without my heart, I’m numb.
That’s what that excruciating pain must have signaled; my heart cleaving from my body.
“What’s going through your head, M?” Noah asks. His face is stripped of the anger and resentment from before and is now replaced by concern.
“My life with Phantom was supposed to start today,” I say as I notice the black sky turning gray. Dawn will be upon us soon. “They were going to get the mental health care they needed. They were going to get better.”
Noah swallows and averts his gaze. Even though I know he was coming from a good place and he didn’t know any better at the time, a vengeful part of me still hopes he feels guilty.
His tone low, Noah asks, “What did you see in them anyway?”
I stare him in the eyes when I speak. “Phantom is more than their illness. Just like I’m more than mine. We’re all more than our illnesses; physical, mental, or otherwise. We’repeople, Noah. We’re complex creatures. Sure, we can be dark and scary at times, but we can also be light and loving at others. You have to stop seeing the world in black and white.”
Noah’s about to respond when a police officer exits the building, yelling to the other members of their unit, “We’ve cleared the building. No one’s up there.”
I’m on my feet immediately, jumping out of the ambulance.
Phantom fled?
My thoughts run a mile a minute as Noah climbs out behind me.
It’s long past time that I paid for my sins, Maeve.
If they weren’t going to cooperate with the police, what did they mean when they said that? Phantom can’t run from law enforcement forever.
“They must have climbed out one of the windows and scaled down the side of the building,” another cop says to the first. “That makeshift studio is only on the second floor.”
“Let’s check the surrounding areas then,” the first cop says. “They can’t have gotten far on foot.”
I whirl in a circle. There are only two options Phantom could have chosen between. City to the left or forest to the right. I gasp as the answer hits me.
I see why you like this place. How did you find it?
By accident.
They’re going to the river.
Icy dread pools in my gut.
They wouldn’t.
It’s long past time that I paid for my sins, Maeve.
The third time—
They wouldn’t try to kill themself again. I won’t let them.
I don’t pay any mind to the cops yelling at me as I sprint, not registering anything over my own screaming thoughts. I know I’m leading the police right to Phantom, but I don’t care. Going to prison is better than being dead. At least I can still visit them behind bars.
