“Just into the living room. Can’t sleep, and Zeke is keeping you awake.” I reach for the doorknob.
“Please, don’t.” Luca climbs out of bed, and he offers to take Zeke, but my little boy clings tighter to me, his grip unrelenting.
“No, Daddy. Want Mama.” Zeke sniffles and rubs his face into my neck. I hold him tight, trying to offer what little strength I carry to him.
“Mama is right here.” I drop another kiss on his forehead. He’s restless and growing more awake.
Makes two of us, possibly three, when I glance at Luca, who doesn’t appear to be climbing back into bed.
“I don’t want you alone,” Luca says. “If you’re awake, I’m awake.”
Sighing, that isn’t what I intended. I follow him back to bed, lay Zeke down between us, and resume my position on the mattress. I lie on my side, my hand protectively over Zeke, my gaze on Luca as he stalks around the bed.
“Scoot over.”
I glance at him over my shoulder, raising an eyebrow.
This is my side of the bed.
“But you sleep on that side?—”
“Do you always have to argue with me?” Luca’s jaw ticks, and I relent, shuffling Zeke over to Luca’s side of the bed, and I’m in the middle.
Luca pulls back the covers, and there’s a slight breeze before he climbs into bed, his body nestled against mine, his breath against my neck. “Better,” he says, wrapping an arm around my waist. He pulls me closer, tighter.
Luca’s breath is warm, his hands firm. “I’ve got you.”
I suck in a sharp breath and feel a tear glide down my cheek. Holding my breath, I try not to cry.
Zeke lies on his stomach, his head turned away, and I rub his back, trying to lull him to sleep. He’s restless and fussy, and with each bolt of lightning and rumble of thunder, he startles awake, screaming.
The sound of his anguish shakes me to my core. It’s gut-wrenching.
Eventually, he falls back asleep, but time and time again, he’s startled awake.
My body tenses and my heart thrums wildly as my breathing intensifies. I don’t dare look at the clock. I doubt I’ll get much sleep tonight.
I can’t tell if Luca has fallen asleep. He doesn’t stir and I do my best not to move, trying to let him and Zeke sleep as much as possible.
When Zeke finally drifts back to sleep, his sniffles turning to soft snores. I allow my eyes to close in the darkness.
It isn’t long before the nightmares come, terrorizing me with visions of Santino holding my son and me pulling the trigger. Except this time, I miss Santino and shoot Zeke.
I gasp, eyes flashing open, realizing I’m safe in my bed and I reach over, making sure Zeke is beside me.
“Bad dream?” Luca’s hold on me tightens, his breath warm and soft, with kisses peppering my shoulder and neck.
My shoulders are tense; my stomach is wound into a knot that can’t be undone.
Wordlessly, I nod and shuffle back into Luca’s embrace, his hold tightening around me. “Love you,” he murmurs against my neck, dropping a soft kiss behind my ear.
It feels impossible to sleep soundly. The few hours I do get, I’m awakened to either Zeke crying or from nightmares, leaving my heart pounding and adrenaline bursting. It’s hard to fall back asleep after either.
Luca is already gone this morning, at the gym with his teammates before breakfast.
I didn’t even hear him climb out of bed.
I suppose I got a few minutes of sleep, it just wasn’t restful. I give Zeke his favorite sugary cereal with marshmallows, and he picks at it, his appetite not quite typical. After, I get him dressed and take him over to daycare, where he also has preschool classes a couple of hours a day.
