ChapterOne
NATHAN
I’ve fucked up again. Every time she calls, I go running.
Rolling the window down, I cut the engine, lean against the headrest and observe this part of London from the carpark. Alexander Palace. It’s quiet here; a rare peace in the city which is hard to find.
After helping my cousin Ethan by setting up his place while he and Lottie were at their baby scan, I’d been in a good mood. That soured quickly when Naomi called and let on that her husband had been abusive. Again. So, like I always do, I cancelled my plans for a night out to go pick her up from some dive of a pub and checked her into a Travelodge for the night.
Apart from being drunk, she otherwise seemed okay. Even asked me to stay, but I couldn’t, or more to the point, I wouldn’t. It’s more than just my ego here or my pride. It’s the principle. She’s married.
Something I didn’t know until after it was already too late.
I might be a lot of things, but there are two things I never wanted to be, and inadvertently she made me into one of those.
A cheat.
But love and lust make us blind, and now I know there’s a fine line between love and hate. Even now, I’m not sure which side my feelings fall on where she’s concerned.
The glove box clicks as I open it and reach for the pack of cigarettes and lighter that I keep stashed there.
It’s a bad habit, one I’d broken, but lately, I’m getting the urge more and more to smoke again.
Lighting one up, I suck in enough air until the end glows red and then blow it straight back out without inhaling it like I so desperately crave.
I only quit because it broke my mum's heart when she caught on to the fact I’d started smoking.
Before I can allow myself any more temptation, I extinguish it with my thumb and forefinger, flicking the cherry out of the window before sliding it back into the packet and stashing it back in my glove box, along with my other dirty secret.
I switch on the engine to roll my window back up, then switch it off again, allowing the interior light to fade.
Laying my head back, I close my eyes and will myself to sleep, if only for a while.
At the sound of feet hitting pavement, I jerk awake and shiver. Fuck, it's cold. Through the slightly fogged rear window, I observe a morning jogger looking uncomfortable, puffing out cold plumes of air.
I start the engine and allow the car to warm up and clear my windscreen.
Swiping my hand over my jaw, I crack my neck and then reach for a stick of gum from my cup holder. Allowing myself a moment longer to wallow before twisting my wrist to look at the time, I find myself smiling for the first time in hours.
Ethan and Lottie went for their scan yesterday, and I’m dying to find out the sex of the little nugget. And to see if she said yes to his very important question.
I check my mirrors, reverse from the space, and decide to grab a drive-thru coffee on my way to Ethan’s.
It doesn’t surprise me to already see a car blocking Ethan’s drive, and it could only be one other person: Violet—Lottie’s best friend and the thorn in my side.
Leaving the now lukewarm coffee, I sniff myself; the last thing I need to do is rock up smelling. I pop the boot, reach into my workout bag, and spritz myself a quick dose of aftershave before jogging up to the front door and ringing the doorbell. I bring my face right up to the peephole and then draw back again, smiling.
Lottie opens the door, a bright smile adorning her face as she steps back, allowing me to enter.
“Well?” I ask, stepping into the living room.
“Morning to you too,” she says from behind me.
But it's the smug look on her best friend's face that captures my attention. “You...” I shake my head and turn back to Lottie. “Please tell me you haven’t already told her the sex of the baby?”
I hook my thumb over my shoulder, not that I need to. She’s the only other person in the room with us. I couldn’t ignore her even if I wanted to; she smells fantastic, and I hate that I notice too.
Lottie laughs as she shakes her head, and I let out an inaudible sigh.
