He jerked his hands away. “I don’t.”
She let the drying cloth fall away and lifted her arms around his neck. “Make your own choices, Raine. And live by them, whatever they are.”
His bare hands slid down her back to the curve of her bottom. “You’re asking me to make the wrong choice, Carice.”
She leaned in and rested her cheek against his armor. “No, Raine. I’m asking you to make the right one.” She wanted him to turn away from his orders, to break the chains that bound him to duty.
“Give me a memory,” she answered. “When I am dying, I want to know that I lived every day to its fullest. And when I think of you, I will smile.”
“I promise you, you won’t smile. I am not the man you want.” His expression held the grim cast of a soldier who intended to betray her. He was tormented not only by the past, but by the choices ahead. There was no peace for him, and he was determined to push her away.
“Your past matters not to me,” she said quietly. “But am I wrong to think that you care about me?”
Chapter Twelve
When Carice stepped back, revealing her body once again, Raine was gripped by the undeniable urge to drink in the sight of her. He was held spellbound by her bare skin and the erect rose nipples that tightened in the cool air. His body grew rock hard at the sight of her, needing to touch the body she offered.
But God help him, she would despise him for doing this. The moment she realized that he planned to give her into the hands of her enemy, she would look upon him with hatred.
And yet, he was utterly lost. She held him beneath her spell, and when she took his hands, he touched that beautiful skin.
“No,” he breathed. He did care, a great deal. “You weren’t wrong. But I have no right to be with a woman like you.” He wanted her more than his next breath. Craved her until there were no words. He drew his hands down her silken skin, down to the base of her spine and over the curve of her hip.
“I don’t care.” She took his hand and held it for a moment, her blue eyes holding him captive. “Be with me now. Show me what you feel.”
His body was burning with need, and he hungered to give her pleasure. Yet this woman, who had suffered so much, should not lose her innocence to a man like him.
“I will never marry,” she said. “I will never bear a child within this body. But before you leave me, I want to know what it would be like to have a lover.”
“Why?” His voice came out rough, revealing the caged frustration. “Why would you offer yourself to a man like me?”
“Because you fought for me, protected me. Because I see the way you are looking at me now, as if you want to love me.”
Dieu, how he wanted that. What he wouldn’t give to live the life of a normal man, to stay with this woman who raced along the ice and kissed him as if she needed him more than air.
Carice lifted her face to his. “Or am I wrong?”
With that, he was lost. With his mouth, he followed a trickle of water, as it outlined the curve of her breast. He tasted the wet skin, running his tongue to her nipple. And when he suckled her, her hands dug into his hair, holding him close. He ran his tongue over the hard nub, unable to stop himself from worshipping her. Then he kissed a path to the other breast, running his tongue along the curves until he captured the second nipple. He rolled the other with his thumb and forefinger, loving the taste of her.
“You aren’t wrong, Carice.” He moved back, reaching for the fallen length of soft linen. Her hair had come loose from its knot and the dark waves spilled over her shoulders and down to her hips. “I could spend hours touching you.”
“Then make me forget all else,” she whispered. “Let me imagine that you love me enough to stay.”
Her words undid him, making him wish to God he could ignore his orders and take her away. But he knew better than to envision what could never be.
“Hold out your arms,” he ordered. He took the length of linen and drew it over her, gently drying her back. He used the cloth to caress her body, over her breasts and belly.
He knelt before her, drying her bottom and the back of her legs. Then down to her feet, where he moved the cloth over her calves and up her inner thighs. She was trembling from his touch, but he didn’t care. He wanted her as aroused as he was.
As he continued to move the cloth over her skin, he realized that he could pleasure her without taking her virginity. The thought made his shaft tighten, and he realized that this was the most honorable means of touching her.
There was a chair near the fire, and he guided her there, seating her in a wordless command. The fire warmed her naked skin, giving it a golden cast. Her hair had fallen over her shoulders, and he moved it away from her bare breasts, needing to see them. “Open your legs for me,” he demanded.
Her blue eyes widened, and he didn’t miss the fear in them. But although she hesitated, she parted her legs. He held her ankles in both hands, lowering his mouth to her calves. He kissed the delicate skin, moving up to her inner thighs. When she arched her back, he imprisoned her legs, not allowing her to pull away. Goosebumps prickled over her body, and he moved his attention to her other leg, kissing and licking the sensitive hidden places.
When he reached her intimate curls, with his mouth he breathed against her. A soft cry released from her lips. “Raine, I don’t know if you should—”
He cut off her words by kissing her opening, tasting the salt of her arousal. She tried to pull back, but he reached beneath her bottom and brought her legs to rest on his shoulders.
