Shit…he had hoped they’d have more time…
Ollie hiccupped again and sniffled,his tears beginning to slow as he watched Red and Jahla’s expressions change. And as he watched the faces of two of the most important people in his life shift from worry to guilt, something in him shattered further.
Swallowing hard as more pain sliced through his chest, he let out a laugh that was half sob and all bitterness, pushing himself to his feet. “Y-ou both knew.”
When they remained silent, the guilt etching itself further across their faces, something in Ollie snapped. “YOU KNEW!”
“Ollie, you have?—”
“NO, Red! Don’t ‘Ollie’ me. I don’t have to do anything! You knew, and you chose to keep it from me! Just like everything else! Maybe you I could understand. I’m sure there’s some fucking reason you decided that this was something else I didn’t deserve, or wasn’t worthy of knowing, of being trusted with—but you, Jahla? You’re my best friend. Mybestfriend! But then, maybe that has always just been in my head?—”
“Ollie, you are! It wasn’t—” Jahla tried to cry out, but he cut her off.
“Then what was it?! Didn’t think I could take it?? Didn’t think I was smart enough to deal with the situation? Or maybe you both just thought I was too useless?! Is that it? Am I so useless that it wasn’t worth me knowing?”
“Ollie, you aren’t useless,” she rasped softly, swallowing hard as tears formed in her eyes.
Under normal circumstances, he’d hug her. Hewantedto hug her, but hecouldn’t. Ollie had no one left to hug, becauseeveryonehad been lying to him.
“Well, I must be, because it sure as fuck seems like I am ALWAYS the last person to know. And you know what?! I don’t know why I am even shocked—ha. It’s always been like this. I have never been worth anything to anyone. I've never really been wanted by anyone, because in most people’s eyes, I have never been good enough to keep around.
“So, my best friend and my cat, the two people who I thought were my family, decided I was too stupid, or whatever, to know that my boyfriend wasn’t real. Not only was he not real, but he would actually be fine if I were dead, and even worse, he'd be okay with being the one to do it...in the various horrifying ways he’d already killed who knows how many like me! Ha—no big deal! Just another Sunday in the life of Oliver ‘Ollie’ Wisteria Cross.”
Ollie whimpered as a hard sob forced its way out. Not wanting to cry in front of them any longer, he turned away, walking carefully towards the stairs in his bare feet, even though he wanted to stomp. When he heard them try to follow, without even looking back, he snapped, “Don’t follow me!”
Once he reached the first step, Ollie started running. He just needed to get away from them, and didn't care if he hurt his feet further. He kept going until he reached his apartment again. Angrily slamming the front door behind him, Ollie roughly rubbed at his eyes. A distressed whimper slipped past his lips as he entered his kitchen and glanced around, feeling utterly lost.
His heart hurt like there was a bloody hole where it should be, and there were too many thoughts in his head to even begin to make sense of any of it. He just felt so worthless. And he was. Ollie, apparently, couldn’t be trusted with anything. Evenwith things that were likely putting him in danger, as he stupidly believed and hung on to every word he was told.
Lies…it had all been lies. He had tried so hard, and it was…never enough. Why wasn’t it enough? Why wasn’theenough?!
Ollie whimpered again, sobbing softly for a moment as he covered his mouth, trying to hide the sound in case his so-called friend and cat had followed. With his breath still stuttering, he hiccupped and looked around his kitchen again, his gaze stopping as he spotted the cauldron sitting where he’d left it a little over twelve hours ago. Staring at the now-cool potion, he hesitated for a moment before deciding that, maybe he was useless, but he could at least do something.
Once he was at the counter, he unplugged the burner and uncorked the three bottles. Lifting the cauldron up, grateful that it had a small pouring spout on one side, he carefully filled each bottle to the marked fill line with the murky dark-purple liquid, before recorking them.
That was done, he hurried to the hallway closet. Digging through its contents, he pulled out an old messenger bag he rarely used and snagged three scarves, before returning to the kitchen. Padding the inside of the bag with the scarves, he used them to keep the glass bottles separate as he set them inside, along with his notebook that contained the spell.
Ollie was about to pull the strap of his old messenger bag across his chest, when he glanced down and spotted his wet pajamas. A large shiver ran through him, as if just noticing how wet he was had been enough to remind him that he was cold.
“Change…I need to change first…”
Jahla sat there at her desk, not actually sure what she should do. Had…this been what that dream was about? The ticking clocks, followed by one going off?
The question was…had it been about Ollie finding out about Noble, or simply about her managing to ruin their friendship? Or was she just trying to use her stupid, meaningless dreams to pretend what had happened was inevitable, to take some of the guilt away from basically betraying her best friend?
Jahla brushed a tear away before flopping down onto her desk, groaning, “Fuck.” Only to quickly jump back up at the sound of footsteps. When she spotted Ollie, she blurted, “Ollie, I’m sorry?—”
“Save it!” the man snapped, his expression closed off and empty as he marched past, fully dressed and seemingly dry, aside from his hair, a messenger bag across his chest.
“Where are you going?!” Jahla cried out as he headed for the front stairs.
She took a step after him, only to stop when Ollie hissed, “Don’t follow me!”
Sagging a bit, she tiredly sat back in her desk chair.
Red, who had been quiet the whole time, softly murmured, “He just needs time.”
“Yeah, well, until he’s ready to talk, he is going to keep thinking horrible things about himself. Because he has self-esteem issues, as that bastard Rowden should never have been given a child to raise in the first place!”
