The walk back to Alex’s apartment is quieter than the walk to the diner. I almost regret putting him on the spot like that, but I need to know what he actually wants. That he’s not just following whatever pace I set.
Alex pauses in the middle of the sidewalk and looks at me.
I scan his face, trying to predict whatever conclusion he’s come to before he says anything, but for once it’s blank, as if he’s steeling himself for the conversation ahead.
Maybe he’s decided he wants nothing to do with me. That we’ve already complicated things enough, and it would be better to separate now, while we can still untangle ourselves.
If that’s the case, I should probably pack up and leave tonight. No reason to draw it out.
“Euan, I want to fuck you.”
The statement is so blunt that all I can do is stare at him.
His cheeks flush and he mutters, “Shit, that came out wrong.”
My lips twitch, but I suppress a chuckle, worried he’ll think I’m laughing at his distress. “It’s alright. I asked you what you wanted.”
He runs a hand through his hair, mussing his curls. “I know it’s a shitty thing to say, but that’s kind of … all I want right now? And if you’re not okay with that, I completely understand—”
I close the distance between us. “It’s fine. That’s how it started, right? We both wanted no-strings attached sex.”
He nods and tries to smile but it’s more of a grimace. “I really don’t ever do this … sex without romance, I mean. But I’m not ready for anything else. Not after everything with Theresa. I feel like I’m just starting to figure myself out again, and I’m afraid that if I jump straight into another relationship, I’ll fall right back into old habits. That I won’t be doing it for me.”
“Is that how your previous relationships usually go? Always putting your partner’s needs before your own?”
Alex grimaces. “I don’t know if I’d put it like that …”
There’s a silent ‘yes’ in that answer, but even now he doesn’t want to paint his exes in a bad light.
I brush a curl off his forehead. “Then let’s focus on what you want. Do you want me to get a hotel again?”
He reaches up and grips my wrist tight, as if he’s afraid I’ll leave before he’s even answered. “No. I like hanging out with you.” He hesitates for a moment, then adds. “For this week, at least. After that …”
“We can figure things out as we go,” I agree. “Then I’ll stay. Did you like today? Having breakfast and dinner together?”
“Yeah, breakfast was nice.” A mulish expression overlaps with his shyness as he insists, “But I’m cooking tomorrow. I just need to go grocery shopping first.”
I almost offer to go with him before I swallow the words. Grocery shopping may not be ‘romantic’ exactly, but the domestic task would blur the lines too much. Especially withthe marriage still tying us together. “Alright. So you want to fuck and you want to eat breakfast together. What about in between?”
“In between?” He blushes and lowers his voice, as if too scandalized to speak about the topic, “Like … cuddling?”
“Yeah, like cuddling. Sleeping in the same bed. Is that too much for you?”
“I don’t know. Can we play it by ear?”
“Sure,” I agree easily. “You set the pace, Alex. I just need you totellme if things are going too fast for you.”
“I certainly won’t ghost you and leave you stranded at an airport,” he replies, scowling on my behalf.
I laugh, startling myself with the sound. God, who knew I could find that whole situation funny so soon after it happened? “Yes, at least text me, even if it’s from the other side of the couch.”
He nods, his expression solemn and serious, like he’s vowing loyalty rather than agreeing not to be a dick. The furrows in his brow are so deep that I want to smooth them away with a kiss, but I don’t know if that’s allowed.
“What about kissing?”
Alex’s gaze immediately drops to my lips, and he licks his own. “Yeah, kissing … kissing is great.” As if he can’t wait any longer once that’s on the table, he grasps the back of my neck. The slight pressure pulls me down while he leans up to close the distance.
A fat raindrop splashes against his face and he startles, stumbling away from me. We both look up at the sky, clear earlier in the evening, now dark with storm clouds. “Shit.”
