‘It was OK,’ I said. ‘I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing; I’d almost rather it felt hard and right, instead of just OK and wrong.’
‘I know what you mean, I felt a bit like that too, maybe it’s a French thing?’
‘Yeah, those damn French,’ I said.
So that was it; school was over for me. There was something so anticlimactic about us standing there as other students exited the hall in ones and twos, running to join groups of friends screaming and hugging each other, crying that it was all over, they’d taken their final exam and they were free. That energy was inside me too, because all I wanted to do was get home, change out of my uniform and get straight to Ronan’s house, I was sure there’d be some sort of secret surprise party arranged for the grand reunion, I just hoped Ronan wasn’t still too fatigued. But standing there with the dark feeling still inside me – and knowing Jennifer had two more exams left to do without me being in school along with her – left me feeling a bit marooned. All those weeks had been building up to a release and there I was with Jennifer, about to leave forever and it felt so ordinary.
‘Are you going home now?’ Jennifer asked.
‘Yeah, and then straight to Ronan’s to celebrate … I think! No one’s really said anything.’
‘It’s going to be so good; it’s been so long, it’s going to be lovely.’ She was doing her awkward shuffle she usually did when she had things to say but wasn’t sure how to say them. ‘Just two more exams left for me and then I’ll do the same, except my family will be like, “Oh, well done, Jennifer, now stand out of the way, you’re blocking the TV.”’ She laughed but not fully.
‘I doubt it,’ I said. ‘They’ll do something for you, I’m sure.’
‘Maybe, but I don’t think so, it’s all aboutresultsfor them.’
‘Oh God, yeah, waiting for results, fun!’ I said. ‘At least waiting to see Ronan has stood me in good stead, only difference is that results aren’t something I’m looking forward to seeing.’
‘Lots of waiting,’ she said. ‘You’re probably all “waited” out. I mean, I’ve got another few days to go. Is it OK … do you mind, I mean … waiting for me and then you and I can do something?’
‘Something?’ I said, raising and lowering my eyebrows twice.
Jennifer laughed, her cheeks turning bright pink.
‘Yeah, maybe,’ she said. ‘No more school so we only have the big bad world now.’
‘Well, what about … Saturday? Get pizza or something? And go to the cinema … or something?’
‘Perfect!’ she said. ‘And actually … my parents are out Saturday night, so … maybe we can go back to my house after? We’d have the whole place to ourselves?’
She raised her eyebrows in the same way I had.
‘Yeah, OK,’ I said, laughing, feeling the things in my body that I felt when I thought those kinds of thoughts.
‘Great.’ She puffed in a big breath of air so her chest rose up and then let it out. ‘Feels weird,’ she said.
‘Us on the weekend?’
‘No, I meant … wait, that’s not weird, is it?’
‘No, I only mean because, well, it’ll be the first …’
‘Oh right, no I didn’t thinkthatwas weird. I know what you mean, though, but I didn’t … I didn’t think that. I meant it feels weird rightnowbecause it’s almost like we’re saying goodbye.’
‘Except we’ve just sorted this weekend so …’
‘I know but it sort of feels like goodbye even though I know it’s not.’ She was shaking her head. ‘I’m being stupid. My sister said that everyone in her year at exam time were saying “friends forever” and then it just never turned out like that – she doesn’t even know what any of her school friends are doing these days – she said that that’s the way it goes no matter what people tell you. After school they’re gone.’
‘Jennifer, you’re going to be sick of the sight of me after we leave here.’ She laughed and I stepped forward to meet her open mouth with mine and we kissed for the longest time.
Jennifer suddenly broke away and glanced at her watch.
‘Oh, crap! Geography exam! I need to go. OK … this isso … I don’t know … anyway, Saturday, pizza, cinema … and the rest.’
‘Saturday, pizza, cinema, and the rest.’
‘OK …’
