His eyes had gone from sad to sternly serious. He knew why I wanted to keep Buddy Time with him, but there was something about the way he looked at me, saying, ‘trust me,’ as if he had a plan.
‘Is there really nothing I can do to change everyone’s mind here?’ I tried as a last attempt.
I looked at Ronan; those ‘trust me’ eyes.
All breath left my lungs as I nodded back, giving him the thing I’d promised to give him right from day one: belief.
‘Right,’ I said. ‘Well … OK … then if I can’t come and visit I’m going to be phoning loads, OK?’
Ronan’s serious look broke into a glinting smile.
‘Of course and don’t think we won’t be phoning you!’ said Mrs McCoy. ‘It’s not radio silence we’re talking about here, we’re simply giving you space and time, that’s all.’
‘When you’re an adult and you land that high-flying job you’ll be thanking us,’ said Mr McCoy.
‘Best not mention the J word, Mr McCoy,’ I said after feeling the usual pang of fear I got anytime anyone did. ‘Right, well, I’m coming straight here the second I finish my last exam, OK?’
‘Deal,’ said Mrs McCoy.
‘Deal, Ronan?’ I said.
‘Yeah-sh,’ he said.
‘And you’re sure this isn’t going to disrupt your routine, Ronan? We’ve had this set for such a long time now and …’
‘Sssshhh,’ Ronan hissed out at me.
‘Did you just shush me?’ I said.
All four of us burst into laughter.
‘I’m going to miss this, though,’ I said, after recovering fromthe laughter. ‘We’re not usually very huggy, are we, Ronan? But can I give you a hug?’
I went up to him and gave him an awkward embrace, his mouth breathing close to my ear.
‘Tie … mm … mah … sheen,’ he whispered.
I pulled back quickly and looked at him. His eyes swivelled over to his parents and then back to me. His head was nodding slightly. An instruction.
‘OK,’ I said, nodding back at him, ‘OK.’
I stood up and patted my hands on my thighs.
‘So, see you on the other side, I guess. Countdown starts …’ I pretended to press a stopwatch on my wrist even though I never wear one, ‘… now!’
Ronan smiled.
‘We’ll just see Brendan out, Ronan, then I’ll be back down to get you ready for bed, OK?’ said Mrs McCoy.
Ronan nodded but kept his eyes on me and we never broke contact until I was out in the hallway and Mr McCoy closed the door.
It was likeThe Green Milewalking back up the hallway away from my friend; past his old bedroom door and all those framed photographs of him, taking them all in knowing I wouldn’t be walking past them again for what would probably feel like a lifetime. It wasn’t just Ronan who had become dependent on the routine; I had too. The disruption it would causemewas something I should have worked into my argument, but I hadn’t thought about it at the time. I was too upset at the news to think strategically and I don’t think it would have changed things anyway. But Ronan seemed to have a strategy of his own when he whispered ‘time machine’ into my ear. If he knew he wasn’t going to be seeing me for a while then he wanted to leave me with something that I had to work out for myself.
‘Mr and Mrs McCoy,’ I said, lingering in the hallway near the front door, ‘can I ask you something?’
‘If it’s one last try for Buddy Time …’ said Mr McCoy.
‘It’s not, it’s something else.’
