‘Why wouldn’t I?’
‘I don’t mean …’
‘… especially with you …’
‘… Well, why haven’tyoutalked about him with me?’
‘That’s not the point.’
‘Were you testing me or something?’
‘I don’t know …Yeah, probably.’
‘Well, I obviously failed, did I?’
‘Jennifer, everything’s not a flippin’ test to be passed!’
My outburst caused her to pull her lips inside her mouth and then she let them out again.
‘I don’t know what to say, Brendan. You’ve obviously been thinking about this a lot.’
‘I haven’t really.’
‘Well, it seems like you have. I always want to hear about Ronan. I’m here for you to talk about anything.’
‘I know that, it’s just …’ I trailed off, I was beginning to feel stupid for making a big deal out of it.
‘Are you OK?’ she said.
‘Yeah, I’m being stupid probably. Are you OK?’
‘Let me get back to you on that,’ she said, twisting her mouth up. ‘I think I’m on a bit of a comedown from it all; it was such a build-up, especially for us because I think we’d sort of prepped ourselves for not going at all and then suddenly we were and I was picturing how it all would be in my head, which I shouldn’t really because … well, things don’t always … anyway, it’s over now. And these past weeks have been sort of …’
‘Different?’ I said.
‘Yeah, there’s definitely a different feeling in school, right? And you know what? It really is because of Ronan. And I’m not just saying that because of … I’m saying it because it’s true, the difference is because of him.’
‘Because of him getting the award?’
‘Because people have finally woken up to the fact that it’sRonan,’ she said. ‘It’s like everyone was thinking of him as this kid that something bad had happened to, but when it came to voting for the awards and everyone thought of him in loads of categories, it’s like they started to remember him the way they should have been thinking about him in the first place. So they’re all asking you about him now, I think they’re feeling a bit guilty or something – I don’t know.’
‘Yeah, it feels weird everyone talking to me like this. I mean, where were they six months ago? All they wanted to do then was gossip about the accident. No one even made any effort to be in touch with him outside school except me.’
‘I guess people are finally realising just how special Ronan is,’ she said as we approached the canteen and stood there, knowing it was time to go our separate ways. ‘Lunchtime equals study time, right?’
‘Yes, Mum,’ I said jokingly, but Jennifer turned sharply.
‘Oh crap, you’re right, sorry, pushy parent syndrome! I’m becoming my mum!’
Her reaction was so sudden I could only assume it must havebeen a fear that was a bit too close to the bone to even joke about. When I had met Mrs Beattie on the night of the formal, I got the impression she was a woman used to having power and control, a woman who could never be anything other than on the top rung of the ladder and might even climb over anyone to get there. Then there was Jennifer’s dad, who had an arrogant quality about him that I didn’t like and certainly didn’t trust. I hadn’t told Jennifer about what was said between her dad and me on the night of the formal.
‘What’s wrong with your parents?’ I asked. ‘They seemed nice when I met them.’
We both knew ‘nice’ was not the right word.
‘What’s wrong with my parents?! Brendan, where do I start?’ Jennifer said, getting worked up quickly. ‘You know, I think the thing that’s most wrong with them is that they do everythingright.’
‘They can’t doeverythingright,’ I said, thinking of how wrong Mr Beattie had been to bring up Ronan with me.
