‘Oh, in that case snap away!’ she said to my dad.
So when the McCoys saw the picture of Jennifer and me standing at the front of her house, with Mrs Beattie half hidden in the doorway behind us, it was impossible for them to fully understand everything that the picture conveyed to me and the memory I had; the pain in my eyes from the fire Mr Beattie had stoked up in me, the nervousness in my body as I woodenly put my arm around Jennifer’s waist, the concrete grin on my face to make it seem like I was completely fine and everything was wonderful – which it was, but there was more to it and a picture could never tell it all. I turned to look at Ronan – he looked calm, he looked fine.
‘And yeah, so, that’s us outside Jennifer’s house,’ I said to him.
His eyes moved from the screen to me. His mouth gave the tiniest of smiles, I’m sure it did, it was only for a second, but I definitely saw it. Maybe I did the same, maybe he saw it too. I turned back to the screen to move on to the next photo.
I didn’t find it as difficult to look at as the previous one, although all pictures of me are difficult to look at; how my ears stick out, my spotty face, how my hair never seems to sit right. I’m always so self-conscious in the moment before a camera flash, but I was experiencing a whole new level of self-consciousness having to look at pictures of me on a screen in the company of others. Except it was the McCoys, so, as my fear began to drop I was starting to experience a kind of joy in sharing with them, in letting Ronan experience the night through my eyes. Seeing him begin to engage was worth suffering any level of embarrassment.
The next photo was one Jennifer had taken of me in the back seat of the BMW.
‘Come on,’ she had said, ‘strike a pose, don’t look so awkward – for Ronan’s eyes only, remember?’
In the photo I was scrunched into the corner of the back seat, doing a very stilted smile with my thumbs sticking up at chest height, looking directly down the lens.
‘Your turn,’ I said after Jennifer had taken the photo.
She hesitated a little, just as awkward about getting her picture taken as she said she was, but Ronan was our incentive and so she composed herself and fixed her hair.
‘Ready,’ she said.
The camera flashed.
The photo of Jennifer on the TV screen was so brightly lit that she appeared to be luminescent against the black leather seat. The dusky light outside the window with the blur of trees as we sped along was the backdrop to her face, and in the reflection in the glass, like the disembodied head of a ghost, was my face over Jennifer’s left shoulder.
‘Oh, what a picture, Brendan,’ said Mrs McCoy. ‘I love this one. Look at you all doe-eyed in the reflection.’
I looked closer. Therewassomething about my expressionthat was different, something in my eyes, and because it was a reflection I couldn’t see the spots on my face, my skin looked smooth and my hair was so dark you could hardly make it out. It was the first picture of myself that I half liked, and when I scanned across to look at Jennifer, I could see why I looked so enchanted. The ghost of me in the glass with the real Jennifer looked a lot better than the real me standing beside her outside her house.
Ronan did a loud sigh.
‘I think Ronan’s had enough of the romance,’ laughed Mrs McCoy.
‘Roger that,’ I said, turning to see Ronan, feeling his energy spur me on.
As I scrolled to the next photo, I was thinking about what had happened between it and the previous one. Dad had pulled up outside the entrance to the hotel where the formal was being held. There were pockets of people standing around to see the arrivals. A limousine was parked to one side, Kevin Sherry was standing there with Leanne on his arm, with his football mates hanging out the windows of the limo; a few of them were standing up and poking their heads through the open sunroof.
‘Looks like King Kevin and Queen Leanne arrived in plenty of time for everyone to see them in their limo,’ said Jennifer, ‘although I bet they weren’t expecting to have competition in this hot deal!’
It was the first time Jennifer had mentioned the car. I thought she hadn’t noticed; I immediately felt elevated that she had. She was right, though, the group in the limo were looking in our direction in a way that reminded me of meerkats; Kevin let go of Leanne’s arm and stepped forward to peer over. When Jennifer and me stepped out, it felt like a hush swept over everyone, or maybe it was me trying to block everything out. I didn’t knowif anyone other than Jennifer’s friends knew we were going to the formal together but seeing the looks on everyone’s faces, as they saw the two of us emerge, made me feel proud that I was there and that Jennifer was with me.
The moment was broken by my dad.
‘Right, both of you up front there on the red carpet and I’ll get a snap of you with the BM in the background.’
I heard a few giggles coming from Kevin’s direction and someone said:
‘It’s his da,’ and a burst of laughter.
‘Dad, it’s OK,’ I said, ‘there’s a photographer inside taking official pictures so we’ll get one in there.’
‘But the BM won’t be in the background,’ he said.
I could hear Kevin saying something and his friends laughing even louder.
‘We already have a few with the BM in the background,’ I said.
Kevin made his way into my vision and started mocking the movements of my dad trying to work the digital camera.
