‘Well, when then?’ she cried desperately. ‘Tell me when and where and I’ll be there. We need to talk!’
‘There’s nothing to talk about,’ he said coldly.
‘Of course there is! This… this fling you’re having?—’
‘It isn’t a fling,’ he said quickly. ‘I love her.’
Jenna gulped and stepped back a little. ‘Don’t be stupid. You can’t love her,’ she murmured, feeling like she couldn’t quite catch her breath. ‘You… you think you do, but it’s not real. It’s just a crush.’
‘Oh, grow up, Jenna. I’m way too old to get crushes. Do you really think I’d have left you for someone if I didn’t have genuine feelings for her?’
‘But howcanyou?’ she whispered, too choked with tears to speak properly.
‘Because she’s funny and smart and undemanding, and shegetsme. She doesn’t want me to be something I’m not. She’s pretty, too. Very pretty. I’m sorry.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s just the way I feel. I love her.’
‘But you said you lovedme,’ she managed, aware that she was shaking.
‘I did. Once. But the truth is, I don’t think I’ve been in love with you since you had the twins. You’ve not been the same since, and things haven’t been the way they used to be. The way they should be. You changed.’
‘I became a mum.’
‘I became a dad! It didn’t changeme!’
‘No,’ Jenna said bitterly. ‘I don’t suppose it did.’
They faced each other without speaking for a moment, then Joel shrugged again. ‘Well, anyway, I’d better be getting back to work. I’ll do my best to be at the twins’ party, although I can’t promise anything. We’ll see.’
Jenna couldn’t reply. She was too afraid that if she spoke, if she moved, she might just throw herself at him and… And what? Beg him to love her again? Plead with him to admit that he was lying to her about his feelings because he was ashamed of what he’d done? Claw at his face and tell him how much she hated him? Tell him that he was the most selfish and uncaring father she’d ever come across and how ashamed she was that she’d given her children a dad so completely unlike her own lovely dad that it broke her heart?
All of it, she supposed. She’d never loved and hated someone at the same time before. Was it really possible?
As she contemplated that, he walked away from her, and she stood for a moment, shivering.
Slowly she became aware of the sound of traffic. Of workmen nearby digging up a road. Of people hurrying past with bags of shopping. Of air heavy with the scent of fried food. Of doors opening and closing, and the sound of music drifting out of a nearby pub, and the laughter and buzz of conversation coming from inside.
The world moving on. How could that even happen?
‘Are we going home now, Mummy?’
Jenna blinked and turned round. Ada had opened her window, and the twins were gazing out at her, concern in their grey eyes – eyes which everyone said were just like her own.
She got into the car and fastened her seatbelt. ‘Close the window, Ada,’ she said as calmly as possible. ‘I’ll put the air conditioning on.’
Somehow she managed to drive out of the car park without mishap and began the drive home to Kelsea Sands.
‘Are you all right, Mummy?’ Ada asked quietly.
Jenna glanced in the mirror and saw them watching her. Too wise and knowing for children who hadn’t yet turned eight. ‘I’m fine,’ she said, managing a smile.
Wasn’t she always fine? What else could she be when she had two young children to care for, a job to hold down, a house to run, bills to pay. And all by herself. Alone.
Joel didn’t love her.
He loved Annette. She was fun. She didn’t make demands. She was pretty.
‘We never saw much of Daddy anyway, did we?’ Hallie said bravely. ‘I don’t expect we’ll miss him much at all really.’
Later, Jenna knew, they would take themselves up to their bedroom and they would talk it over in that adorable way they had of discussing things between themselves, and in all probability, they would cry – or at least, Ada would cry and Hallie would comfort her. And in all probability, Jenna would probably go up to her own room and cry, too.
