‘It was awful. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life. Especially when she said…’ She broke off, swallowing hard. ‘She said my dad would have been ashamed of me.’
She glanced up at him, and he had to force himself not to wipe away the tears that were spilling from her eyes. ‘She was right. He would have been. I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I knew I didn’t even want to. I think – I think I just wanted someone to hold me, you know? And, deep down, I think I wanted Joel to find out and be jealous. I wanted him to feel what I’d felt, so many times.’
‘I understand that,’ he said softly.
‘Do you? Thing is, I don’t think he’d have been jealous at all. Knowing him, he’d probably have laughed. It was pathetic really.’
‘So you sent this man packing?’
‘I didn’t have to. He didn’t even show up. We both realised it was a stupid mistake, and we’d got carried away with it all. We’ve barely spoken two words to each other since.’
‘Blimey.’ Sam wasn’t sure what to say to all that. It was quite the confession. If he was going to return the favour, he’d have admitted there and then that hearing her say she’d almost slept with another man had made his stomach lurch in sickening jealousy. He’d had to accept that she still had feelings for Joel, but if there’d been someone else in the picture it would have been even more difficult to deal with.
Even so, he understood why she’d acted the way she had. And that she felt wretched about the whole thing was obvious in her dejected manner. He wished he had the nerve to put his arms around her for comfort, but if he did that, he might want to kiss her even more than he already did, and that wouldn’t be the right thing to do at all, especially given her vulnerable state.
‘Cheese and pickle sandwich?’ he asked instead.
Jenna looked up at him in surprise, and he inwardly cursed and called himself every insulting name he could think of. Then she burst out laughing.
‘Sounds perfect,’ she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.
‘Great.’ Relieved, he handed her the plastic tub of sandwiches he’d packed earlier. ‘Don’t forget there are sausage rolls if you really want to push the boat out.’
‘Thanks, Sam,’ she said gratefully. ‘It’s true what everyone says about you, you know.’
He put the empty cup back on the top of the Thermos and put the flask back in his rucksack. ‘Oh? What do they say about me?’
‘That you’re a nice man,’ she said, reaching for a sandwich. ‘“Seb’s lad Sam, he’s a right good ’un”. That’s what they say. “Do owt for anyone”. I think they’re probably right.’
‘Even though I’m abandoning The North Star? Do you think they’ll still be saying that when the For Sale sign goes up?’
‘You have to think of your future,’ she told him. ‘You’ve done all you can. If your dad doesn’t want to be helped, well, that’s his lookout. It’s a shame because he really seemed to be making progress that night he minded the twins, but the fact is, you have your life to live. Some people just can’t be helped.’
She sounded so bleak again that, without even thinking about it, he reached over and squeezed her hand, feeling that same tingle of electricity and wishing with all his heart that she felt the same.
Looking up at him, she managed a faint smile, utterly oblivious to his feelings. ‘You know what? This is a waste of my time and yours. We’re not going to see them, are we? Let’s go home.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Yeah.’ She put the lid back on the tub of sandwiches and handed it back to him. ‘There’s just no point.’
As he tucked it back into his rucksack, he couldn’t help remembering the way she’d said, ‘Some people just can’t be helped’. Was she thinking of his dad? Or was she thinking of herself? Because no matter how many times Joel hurt her, she still seemed unable to break free from whatever spell he’d cast over her.
Sam couldn’t help wondering if she ever would.
15
The phone call came completely out of the blue.
Jenna was collecting eggs with the twins, Carne dancing around them and almost tripping them up.
‘You crazy dog,’ she told him sternly. ‘Can’t you just stand still and behave for five minutes?’
‘If you trip us up, we might smash the eggs,’ Hallie added, wagging a finger at the little Jack Russell. ‘The Bennet Sisters won’t be happy if they’ve done all that hard work for nothing.’
Ada scooped Carne into her arms, where he wriggled desperately, wanting to be free.
‘Just till we’ve got the eggs,’ she told him, kissing his nose. ‘Be a good boy.’
