The trouble was, when things with Joel were good, they were really good. When he wasn’t embroiled in one of his dalliances – because she knew deep down that he’d had several, and if she was really honest with herself, she could even put a date to them – he was fun. He would make the twins giggle and join in with their games. Christmas was his favourite time of year, and he was always the one to put up the tree and make a huge fuss of the event. And he could be surprisingly loving and affectionate to Jenna.
Just enough to keep them all hanging on.
Until he couldn’t be bothered any longer. Until he found someone else who took his interest. Until he decided that a wife and family weren’t what he wanted after all.
At those times it would be weeks of sullen silence, emotional distance, and causing arguments so he had an excuse to go out for the evening, and Jenna walking on eggshells and holding her breath in case he left her again.
Then, one day, out of the blue, he’d be like his old self, as if nothing had happened, and she’d breathe easily once more, knowing the danger had passed.
Only this time, the danger seemed more real than it had for years – since the twins were born. He’d left her. For how long this time?
Was this really Joel needing breathing space? Or had some woman become so important to him that moving in with her had become the only option?
Right now, she had no way of knowing, so every day was an agony of fear and waiting for the bomb to drop. Her moods would veer wildly, as her mind conjured up various scenarios, featuring opposing outcomes to the situation.
Joel coming home, saying he’d been an idiot and ofcoursehe didn’t need time away from them, and what he really needed was for them to spend more timetogether. Be a proper family.
Or Joel coming home to face her and tell her he no longer loved her and had met someone else.
When she believed the first scenario, her heart would lift and she’d get on with the day, convinced that it was just a matter of waiting this out.
When she believed the latter…
There had been many nights of wet pillows and utter despair.
‘Mummy, you haven’t eaten your cake!’
Jenna blinked. She hadn’t even noticed the waitress putting it on the table. How rude of her not to say thank you. She’d have to leave a bigger tip to make up for it.
‘I’m not really in the mood for it now,’ she said, trying to sound light about it. ‘Would you two like to share it?’
The twins didn’t need to be asked twice. Despite still munching their way through their chocolate cake, they nodded eagerly.
What with all the cake, on top of the fish fingers and chips and the enormous banana milkshakes, it was no wonder that Ada complained of feeling sick on the way home.
‘You’re notgoingto be sick, are you?’ Jenna asked anxiously, glancing at her daughter in the rear-view mirror and thinking of her upholstery.
‘If she’s sick,I’llbe sick,’ Hallie said, pulling a face.
‘Great,’ Jenna muttered, lowering the rear windows to let in some fresh air. ‘Only five minutes from home, girls. Hang on!’
She heaved a sigh of relief as she pulled up on the drive and hurriedly let the girls out of the car before unlocking the front door of the house.
Hallie ran indoors but Ada made a huge fuss of feeling ill, until Jenna suggested she’d be better off going straight to bed if that was the case. After that, her daughter announced that she was feeling much better, and Jenna locked the car, rolling her eyes and vowing that in future she’d cover the back seats with plastic before taking the twins out to tea. Just in case.
‘Jenna?’
She spun round, pulse racing at the sound of a male voice just behind her, then slumped in relief.
‘Louis! You made me jump.’
‘Sorry. I was waiting across the road in my car. I tried earlier but you weren’t in.’
‘Joel’s… not here.’
‘I know. It’s you I’ve come to see.’
Louis and Joel had known each other since primary school, and it suddenly crossed Jenna’s mind that if anyone knew what Joel was up to, it would be him.
