“Jake.” Her voice is like a whisper threading through the rain as it creeps into the corners of my mind. Like a dream.Great. Now I’m hearing things. And when did it even start raining?
I draw in a slow breath and blink, fingers curling around my keys like they might anchor me to something real.Exhaustion does this, I tell myself.Memory filling in gaps that don’t exist.
Then I hear it again. Louder this time. Clearer.
“Jake!”
My heart stills, the beat cutting out so abruptly it steals the air from my lungs. Cold seeps through me, despite June’s air clinging to my skin. Every muscle locks, my face frozen, breath trapped somewhere between disbelief and fear.
Slowly, like the world might shatter if I move too fast, I turn around.
And then everything comes to a halt. The world holds its breath, the rain freezes midair, and time itself pauses as the prettiest blue eyes find mine.
“Hi,” she breathes, wet hair sticking to her face. Her cream sundress clings to her curves. She takes a step closer, but I can’t move. I can’t think. I can’t evenbreathe.
“Hi,” I manage, stuffing my keys back into my pocket. My lungs are winded just from the word, as if uttering it took every ounce of oxygen I had. We stare at each other silently, rain pelting down on us.
“I…” she pauses, unsure and reluctant. Her eyes dart from me to her feet as she nibbles on her lip, forcing them back up again. The sadness in her eyes is so heavy it drags my heart down with it.
“I lied to you,” she starts. “But you already knew that.”
I tongue my cheek, taking a deep breath while my eyes dart away and come back to her. “Tell me, anyway.”
She swallows. “I lied when I said I didn’t want the things you want. I do, Jake. I want all of them. I want the house and the dogs and the Christmas trees cut right on a farm. I want them so much, it scares me. It scares me to believe something pure like that could ever be mine. It doesn’t even sound real for a girl like me. I basked in love songs and romance novels because they were a dream. They were safe worlds I could live in and pretend that, just for a moment, my life wasn’t this crazy, messy hell that it was. But then you came in and just…sawme.
“You saw me and convinced me I wasn’t this broken girl who didn’t even deserve the small joys she found once in a while. You made me believe there was good in me that was worth noticing. It made me feel…invincible. It made loving you feel safe. And then I got even more scared because what would happen when you knew? When you found out who I really was, what I really came from, what I really did.
“But then I told you and didn’t run away from it. You didn’t run away fromme. Even crazier, you ran straight into my mess. You stepped in to fix what you didn’t break, and I loved you so much more for that. It was selfish to want you the way I did, to love you the way I did, knowing you were worth so much more than I could give you.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You are everything, Jake. You are worth so much more than I can give you. I have so much to carry—”
“I’m not afraid, Alana.”
“Well, I am. I’m afraid now, and I’m going to be afraid a lot. I want a life with you, more than I’ve ever wanted anything, but… I’m not easy.”
I huff a laugh, my eyes dropping to my feet before they’re back on her.
“I’m going to need constant reassurance sometimes, and other times, I’m going to be too independent for my own good. I’m going to shut down and try to do things on my own when I know you’re right there. I’m going to be scared to lean on you. I’m going to break down randomly when my own thoughts take over my mind.” She takes a step forward. “But I’m going to love you like no one has ever loved before. I’m going to be there for you and show up for you and cook you dinners that may be questionably inedible.” I chuckle. “I’m going to be really, really addicted to you. So much that you’re going to think I’m insane.”
I smile and chew on my cheek.
“And I’m going to need you to remind me you love me a lot. All the time. Like every day. Because that’s how often I’m going to tell you.”
My heart swells in my chest, nearly bursting. My breath stutters. It’s as if my body forgets to function because every part of me is too busy absorbing her every word. Each one settles terrifyingly and perfect all at once.
“Every day?” I ask her, but it’s already a promise. A confirmation.
She nods quietly, the faintest smile touching her lips.
“I can do that,” I whisper, my hands fidgeting at my sides to pull her into me. She’s so close, I can feel her warmth even through the cool rain. “Tell me what happens next.”
Her eyes search mine, her chest rising and falling deep and quick. Her lips part into the most stunning smile, and it makes every day I’ve waited for the sun worth it.
“Everything,” she breathes.
I step into her space without thinking, like gravity made the choice for me. My hands find her waist, my forehead resting against hers as I close my eyes, letting the truth of it wreck me. No exits. No escapes. Just her, choosing me in all the ways I’ve ever wanted her.
