My chest tightened, ribs pressing in on my lungs as my eyes began to sting. “No,” I whispered. “This is about you. About what you’ve worked for. Your future—”
“You’re my future.” He stepped closer, closing the space between us. “You. Not a job. Not a career. Just you.” His voice didn’t waver. “Everything I ever wanted—or thought I wanted—pales in comparison. You are the dream. You’re my future, Alana. You, me, us. That’s all that matters to me now.”
My throat constricted as tears burned behind my eyes. I was undone by words I’d never heard, never dared to imagine being spoken to me. And I loved him for them. I loved him with everything I had in me. But I had promised myself I’d love him more…
“No, Jake.” I pressed the paper back into his chest, tears spilling now. “This matters. This is…” My voice faltered, lost beneath the tangle of emotions crashing through me.
My heart was full with a feeling I only ever imagined could be real. A part of me wanted to keep him, and the promise in his words, tucked safely inside my soul where he had already carved out a home.
But I knewthat a love like this was never meant for me. And no matter how selfish I wanted to be, how badly I wanted to keep the love that had somehow found its way to me, he deserved more than what I could give him.
He deserved someone who would choose him without hesitation.
And that was one thing I could never be for him.
I couldn't choose him.
Because I still had to return to a world he could never have a place in.
I closed my eyes and memorized the steady beat of his heart beneath my palm. I stitched the warmth of him into my mind and tucked it away for safekeeping. Then I took a deep, sobering breath and did what needed to be done.
“I’m not letting you give this up,” I said.
His hand closed around my wrist, holding it to his chest. “I’m not giving up anything. I know what I’m doing.”
“No, you don’t!” I shoved at his chest. “You’re talking about giving up an entire future—an entire life—and for what? A couple of months together? You think that’s worth it?” My voice cracked. “You think I’m worth it?”
“Yes, Alana.” His words came through clenched teeth as his grip tightened, both of my wrists now caught in his hands. “I think you’re worth it. I know you’re worth it. If anything in this world has ever been worth it, it’s you.”
He kissed me firmly, passionately. My entire body set on fire, and I kissed him back.
I broke away from him with a sob. “Jake—”
“I know it, Alana,” he said, his forehead pressed to mine. “I know it the same way I know there are stars beyond the clouds, the same way I know the moon will always rise. I just know.”
My throatran dry at the memory of strangers in an alley, sharing a moment that held far more than either of us understood. A beginning that had somehow already found its end.
“Ask me to stay,” he whispered, his lips barely an inch from mine.
My stomach sank as I closed my tear-filled eyes, drifting into the dream of another life—one where I could tell him he didn’t have to stay because I could go with him. Where we’d pack barely anything at all as we geared up to start our life together in a new city. One where our weekends were spent curled up in bed, hiding from the rain he hated so much. And every year, our Christmas tree would shimmer and our dog would hop onto our laps, and we’d never, ever wonder about the what-ifs because we’d already have everything we needed.
I could see it all so clearly, it made my heart hum with a beautiful symphony I had never heard, yet somehow, always knew existed. It felt less like imagining a future and more like visiting a memory—but it was one that would never belong to me.
When I opened my eyes and found his warm hazel greens staring back at me, filled with nothing but pleading adoration and overwhelming love, I knew he deserved more than the unworthy little dream I’d dared to hold.
“I don’t want you to stay,” I said, swallowing hard, the sharp edges of the lie cutting deep.
Then I reminded him of everything I had to carry. “I have to go back home after graduation, Jake. I told you this life isn’t real for me. I don’t get to stay.” I pulled my hand from his chest and wiped my nose with the back of it.
“Then ask me to go with you.”
“What?” My brows creased with confusion, my heart falling deep into my stomach.
“Askme to go with you,” he repeated with confidence and surety.
My breath caught in my lungs. This beautiful man didn’t care if I would fit into his life. He was willing to fit himself into mine—my messy, rundown, poor excuse of a life. He wanted in. He wanted this life still, even after knowing all the hard-knock parts of it—parts of me.
But I could never ask him to do such a thing. My world was filled with scars I was forced to bear, but him?
