“From what?” His voice softens, but the intensity doesn’t fade. “From you? From whatever storm you think you have to carry alone? You’re not a burden, Alana.”
I shake my head, throat closing like a vice. “You don’t know that.”
“Thenletme.” His voice drops to something rough and earnest, almost pleading. “Let me know all of you. Let me stand next to you instead of chasing you down the street or wondering why you vanish if I get too close.”
My eyes burn, and I blink hard. “Jake…”
He exhales like he’s been holding his breath for days on end. “I can’t force you to let me in. And I won’t. But don’t push me away because you’re scared I’ll choose differently than you expect and then tell me it’s for my own good. I’m right here, Alana. I’vebeenright here. I’m not going anywhere.”
My eyes dance between his, searching for the fraction of falsehood I’m bound to find. Seeking the warning in my gut that tells me not to trust this man with my truth—not to trust anyone with it. But I can't find it. No alarm sounds, no bells begin to ring. The earnestness in the hazel eyes before me tells me not only to trust him, but to give into him fully. Wholly. And never look back.
I swallow down my rising nerves and open my mouth to tell him everything. As much as I can get out before I freeze up and close myself off.
“Remember that story I told you about my brother? About why he’s in jail?” Jake nods, and I take a deep breath, knowing all that I’m about to say is going to change everything between us. He’ll never look at me the same, and I don’t blame him for it. Because I never deserved for him to look at me in the first place. “It’s my fault Parker’s in prison.”
“Alana,” he begins, but I stop him right away. I can’t let him downplay my sins. Not this time.
“Listen to me. Parker didn’t buy drugs for my dad.I did. I got them from his friend, Derek, who basically ran our neighborhood. We all grew up together, and I thought I could trust him, but it turns out I was wrong.Superwrong. Derek told me he could help my dad as long as I didn’t tell my brother, so I agreed. I wanted to help him, and Parker worked so hard already…” I sniffle, my eyes pricking with tears in response, and swallow past my closing throat.
“I took the drugs and didn’t tell P, and then Derek set us up on the way home. We got pulled over when Derek knew I would have them on me.”
Jake’s eyes close painfully, and he lets out a defeated breath as a tear rolls down my cheek.
“P took the fall for me so I wouldn’t lose my scholarship to UT. So I could behere, doing exactly what I’m trying to do.”
My voice trembles as my nerves completely take over. I force myself to push past them, to tell him the rest.
“That’s why I don’t have time for fun. Or friends. Or guys. Or parties. I have to save every dollar and finish my degree as fast as I can, so I’m ready and home when Parker gets out this summer. And everything was right on track until Derek showedup out of nowhere, telling me I need to help him sell what he has now, or else…” I trail off, the image of Parker behind bars—bars he never belonged behind—crashes through me. The truth settles heavy in my chest. It’s my fault he’s lost years of his life he can never give back. Years he sacrificed for me. Formymistake. The guilt is almost too much to bear, but I don’t deserve to escape it.
Jake grabs me by the shoulders, his head dipping to meet my eyes. His voice is strong and steady. “Or else what, Alana?”
I can barely get the words out. “Or he’ll set Parker up in jail so he doesn’t get out at all.” My voice is a weak cry, the crack of the heavy burden I’ve been carrying crumbling beneath me. My hand covers my mouth to hold in my sob as Jake’s arms wrap around me tightly, pulling me into his chest. Safe within his arms, I let it all go as he gently sways me side to side, his lips pressed tenderly to my hair.
When he finally releases me, he wipes my cheeks with his thumbs and looks me over, his eyes trailing every inch of my face as he studies me.
“Is that everything?” he asks, his hand framing my jaw, his thumb caressing my cheek.
I shake my head, completely empty of words.
His lips press into a fine line, his eyes strong on mine.
“Good,” he swallows and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
He’s quiet for a long time, his eyes searching my face, strewn with concern, but I can see the gears turning in his mind.
“What is it that he has to sell?”
I swallow, unsure how to read the steadiness in his tone. “Adderall.”
Jake bites his cheek. “Is he at your house right now?” I nod, my eyes never leaving his. “I want you to do something for me,okay?” His hand cups my chin. “Bring him to Donn’s Monday night. I’ll be there until close. Tell him you have some friends who might be interested—”
“Jake—”
“And make sure he has what he’s selling with him. I’ll take it from there.”
My brows furrow in confusion. “What? No, Jake! I don’t want you to do anything. That’s not why I told you.”
He brings both hands to cradle my face. “I’mgladyou told me.”
