But I can’t.
Because I know I can’t keep him. Very soon, I won’t be around to say anything at all. Pretending anything else is true will only hurt us more. And Jake’s been hurt enough.
I wasn’t supposed to get close to him. I wasn’t supposed to get close withanyone. Because I know I have to leave this all behind. I know I have to say goodbye to Austin and everything in it. There’s no room foranyof this life in the one I have to return to.
It’s a terrible thing, what a broken life can do to you. The way it brands you with invisible scars no one else can see. You can outrun the memories, outwork the pain, outgrow the version of yourself that fell apart—but it always finds you again. Always.
Even if your brother saves you.
Even if he takes your place.
Even if you run miles away from your hometown.
You’ll never truly escape what made you.
“I can’t…” I start, but the rest of the sentence dies in my throat. It closes off, tight and aching, like my body is refusing what my heart is forced to say. I swallow hard, press my eyes shut, and try to steady the shaking in my hands.
It was wrong what I did, letting Jake in. Letting him hold a piece of me I know I could never let him keep. Only giving him part of the truth I can never outrun. It was wrong to givehim the version of me that looks worthy on the surface. The one who can laugh, and talk, and pretend she isn’t haunted by all the things she’s running from. Beneath it, the rest of the story is still there—lurking, waiting, ugly as ever.
I knew all of this, and I let him in, anyway. Because it felt too good not to. It felt good to pretend I could feel safe with anyone, tohold onto anyone, when I knew exactly where that safety would lead.
Jake’s hand comes up to the side of my neck, his thumb brushing the line of my jaw. It’s such a simple touch, but it undoes me completely. I take his wrist in my hand, fingers trembling, and force myself to meet his eyes.
“Can’t what?” he asks, his brow furrowing, his voice so full of concern it almost breaks me.
“I can’t see you anymore.”
The words burn coming out. They’re acid on my tongue. Poison sliding down my throat, searing everything in its wake.
It’s for the best.
His brows knit tighter. “What do you mean? Like you can’t today?”
“No, like,” I say. “I don’t know.”
Confusion flickers across his face, quick and sharp, before it twists into something heavier. Something desperate. His eyes search mine like the answer might be hiding there, like if he just looks hard enough he can change what I’ve said.
“Allie, what are you talking about?” His thumb traces slow circles against my cheek, patient and calming. Comforting. It only makes it worse.
Memories of Parker, shattering screams, and breaking glass swarm in my head as police sirens chase them all around.He doesn’t know what I’ve done.I grit my teeth, trying to hold backthe storm building in my chest, but the words claw their way out, anyway.
“I can’t see you anymore, Jake. My life is too complicated. I have too much shit to deal with, and I can’t have you around distracting me. I can’t be…relying on you. And telling you things. And kissing you—”
“Why not?”
“Because!” My tone is sharp, but my voice cracks on the word.Because you’ll find out who I really am, and then you’ll leave me, too.
“I don’t understand.”
“People always leave, Jake.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he swears.
“You don’t know that. You don’t knowme.”
“I do.”
“Jake, I’m gonna have to leave. I don’t get to stay here. So I can’t be around you. I can’t keep pretending life is normal, hanging out and acting like everything is fine when it's not, okay? It won’t be.”
