“Just so we’re clear,” he adds quickly, “I’m attracted to you. Notin lovewith you. Big difference.”
He stares at me, his face still red.
Yeah, okay. Obviously. I mean—of course he’s not catching feelings. That’s just how it is. Miles wants to use the doll, and sometimes he thinks about my abs. That’s the whole story. That’s where it starts and ends. Because what would the alternative even look like? Someone actually falling for the guy who goes blank and lets the room fuck him? Someone wanting that long-term?
I don’t know why there’s this small, stupid thing sitting in my chest right now, but it’s fine. It makes sense. It’s the only thing that makes sense.
I ignore the small stupid thing.
“So you’re bi?”
Miles exhales, and goes in search of his glasses without looking at me. “Yeah. Guess so.”
“Cool.”
He looks at me again. “Cool? Are you… okay with me being queer?”
“Yeah, man.” I shrug. “Bi’s solid.”
He stares at me like I’ve just sprouted a second head. Then, he snorts. “God, I never know what you are thinking.”
“Pot, kettle,” I deadpan, rolling my eyes. “Do I have to remind youagainabout the guy who was about to fuck me at the party?”
“No, you don’t need to, thank you.”
I snort. But then I rest my head on the wall, and I realize that that word went out into the world, so I might as well keep using it.
“I’m confused, honestly,” I say. “I think I might be bi too, so I’m exploring it.”
Miles blinks. And then gapes. “Oh.”
“Yeah, ‘oh.’” I flop back onto the mattress, staring straight at the ceiling to avoid his expression. “Turns out I’m into being treated as a thing. A fuck-thing. Not a person. Just a hole, or whatever.”
“Huh.”
I smirk, turning my head to look at him. “That’s the kink, right? The doll thing is centered on that. I always liked that, I guess. Back when I hooked up with only girls, they’d just ride me while I laid there. Which was cool. But with guys it’s different. Like, it’sway better.Never thought about getting fucked in the ass before, but now? Turns out it’s kinda my shit.”
“Huh.”
“Don’t go monosyllabic on me, man.” I roll my eyes. “Point is, it’s not just the fucking. It’s everything about it. The way I’m manhandled. The way someone else has the say over my body.” I swallow hard. “I fucking love it.”
“That’s hot to you?”
“Fuck yeah.” I grin when he snorts. “What, you judging?”
“Nah.” He shakes his head. “Just. Before all this, I never knew that was really a thing.”
“Well, yeah, congrats. You’re officially friends with a freak.” I spread my arms. “Ta-da.”
Miles rolls his eyes, but there’s something weird in his expression.
“So. What’s the, uh. Endgame here? Like. You just wanna be a human fleshlight forever? Don’t you want a relationship?”
“That’s the point I was getting to,” I sit down again and pull his body pillow onto my lap, shielding my sticky, half-erect cock. “Lately I’ve been thinking about whether the kink is the only reason I like it with guys. Or if I could actually be with a guy. Normal sex, normal—I don’t know, normal romance, maybe?”
“Would you like being in a relationship with a guy?”
Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? Would that ever work? And when I think about that, it isn’t even just the problem of not being sure about my sexuality. I mean, sexuality is pretty much obvious—Idolike dick. But about romance? Am I, what, homoromantic? Biromantic? Is that a thing? But even if I’m…who?
