“And you can be… uh…ours.If you want to be.”
Miles uncrosses his legs, stretching them out beside me. “No pressure, Kit. Just say the word, and we’ll simp properly.”
I cover my face with my hands. “This is so fucking weird, man.”
The silence stretches. It’s not uncomfortable, but I can’t think straight with how loud it is.
I finally pull my hands away and stare blankly at the ceiling.
“I don’t...” I start, my throat tightening. “I don’t think I’m cut to be loved.”
Reid’s thumb stops moving on my ankle.
“Not because there’s something wrong with me,” I clarify quickly, because I need them to understand that. “Idon’tthink I’m broken. I’m not ashamed of what I like. I like being used. I like being a doll. I like getting written on, passed around, and treated like an object. That’s not the problem.”
“The problem is,” I continue, the words getting harder to push out, “at some point, the other person is going to realize they can’t love a guy who likes the things I like. They just—they won’t be able to handle it. And I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t blame anyone.”
My voice cracks on the last word.
“I think that being loved isn’t in the cards for people like me. Getting wanted like that—” I press the heel of my palm into my eye. “It’s not something I get to have because I don’t want to get hurt when they realize they can’t deal with me. And I won’t change who I’m for anyone. Idon’t wantto.”
Miles’ hand finds mine, lacing his fingers through mine. His knuckles are still raw, still a little bloody, but his grip is gentle.
“Kit,” he says. “Look at me.”
I don’t want to meet his eyes, but I force myself to sit up again and look at him.
“You’re the smartest person I know, and I know a lot of smart people. You’rebrilliant. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I’d never want you to change anything about yourself.”
Reid’s hand slides from my ankle up to my knee, the dry sarcasm completely wiped from his face.
“You’re amazing. I would never be ashamed of you. Not of any single part of you.” He pauses. “You’re a guy who can turn into an object because youenjoyit, sure. But at the end of the day, you’re stillKit. And that’s who I’m in love with.”
Miles shifts closer, his shoulder pressing against mine.
“Any guy who got to be with you would be the luckiest person in the world.” He holds my gaze, his eyes dead serious. “I hope it will be me, by the way. But you don’t have to answer anything right now. I know it’s a lot.”
I look at Reid. Then at Miles again.
“Can I kiss you?”
Miles’ eyes widen. “Me?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes,” he says fast. “I mean—yeah. Obviously. Yes.”
“Why him?” Reid asks, sounding a little hurt.
“I already kissed you the other day.”
Reid’s mouth opens, then closes. His eyes flick to Miles, who’s looking at him with an expression of pure smugness. The smirk vanishes in a second.
“Wait, what?” Miles says. “When did that happen?”
“I was trying to figure stuff out.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?” Miles’ voice cracks on the last word.
