In the way.
My stomach drops because now I feel like a burden he’s worked hard to get rid of. If you want to call ghosting me hard.
“I thought…we had a plan.”
Micah averts his gaze, looking out at the neighborhood behind me.
He’s shutting down and I…I don’t want to stop this.
I don’t want to lose him.
You don’t want to lose your job either.
“I know this isn’t ideal at all,” I mutter. “An ex coming back and wanting to be involved with your son. But I want you to have the backup and know I’d stand behind you. You don’t have to protect me. I can back off?—”
“Sienna, please…” His voice cracks, and so does my heart a little. This man is so damn giving and cognitive to the needs and consequences that can be driven toward someone, I just need him to know I’m here for the ride.
I can handle it.
“I want this,” I say softly. “You said you wouldn’t leave me alone, and I want that. I understand you might not be able to give it your all mentally, but I still want to be there for moral support.”
“I have some,” he argues lightly. “My buddy, Graham, had me the last time. I’ll be fine.”
“Micah—”
“Sienna, this isn’t going to work.”
I was about to express how I could help in other ways, but his words made mine clog in my throat.
This isn’t going to work.
Everything that has transpired between us gave me faith we could do this. That, by breaking this one rule, it wasn’t going to haunt me forever.
But, now, it just has.
“Are you…saying you’re not interested in me anymore?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then it’s that bad,” I divulge. “You just need me to back off.”
“I’m done,” he grinds out as if I did something wrong here. “This is half the reason why I stayed out of a relationship. I can’t focus on Heath and you at the same time. He’s at risk right now of going back to her. And she’s not going to stop. You are a distraction, and you’re always going to be that. And I can’t even have you physically around because of your job and the rules. It’s just not going to work.”
I can understand why he wants to focus on Heath and what he needs to do, but it doesn’t hurt any less.
Yet, he said he wanted this, and the first sign of issues, all of a sudden, he can’t be bothered with me. Like I’m a burden of some sort, and any relationship with me would be too much work.
I mean, keeping it a secret is.
My jaw tightens to keep tears from forming; however, I still think he’s trying to push me away to protect me and not because he doesn’t want this.
“You’re going to need to try a lot harder than that,” I challenge back, balling my fingers into fists at my sides for strength, courage, and a bit of armor in case he tries to cut deeper than he already has.
His blue eyes tug over to meet mine, and there’s a level of defiance in those beautiful irises that makes me suddenly scared for my emotional life.
“Why are you trying to make this hard?” he retorts levelly. “I just said I was done.”
“Because of your ex and my job. However, I told you I was ready for the storm.”
