I don’t.
“Look.” She squeezes my hand harder. “I’m herenow. Can you give me some time to figure things out?”
Her words slice through me. Ablate and a benediction.
Now.
Not forever. Not always.
Now.
It should wreck me. Instead it calms something I’ve been fighting all week.
I lift her hand and press my mouth to her knuckles. “I’ll take now because I love you, Hope.”
Hope stares at me for a second. Climbs into my lap. My arms wind around her on instinct. She settles her weight against me and lets out a long breath, all the fight draining out for a minute.
I hold her.
No speeches, strategies or pleas.
Truth.
Outside, the light thins toward evening.
Inside, her heartbeat taps against mine in a rhythm I’ll build a life around if she lets me.
Only time will tell.
twelve
Three Weeks Later
Iftherewereablueprint for the perfect boyfriend, Alek would tick every box without trying.
Despite how wishy-washy I’ve been, he never fails to makes coffee before I wake up. Keeps track of my meds better than I do. Notices when a headache is coming before I say a word. Reads to me when I need to relax. Makes me laugh when I don’t expect it and always lets quiet hover without rushing to fill it with meaningless conversation.
Every day, he makes love to me like I’m the most precious woman on earth. Despite his inexperience, hands down, Alek is the best lover I’ve ever had.
I’ve come so much over the past few weeks I’m beginning to rely on the orgasms to sleep soundly.
Being with him is easy in a way I’ve never known.
It also continues to scare me.
A few weeks ago I couldn’t stand up without the room tipping sideways. Now I’m walking out of my doctor’s office with permission to go back to work. This should feel like a win, and it does, but it also means the current version of my life has an end date.
I’ve been living with Alek like we’re a couple. I treat his apartment as my own with no pretense of being his guest. My jacket ends up on the chair, glass on the counter, shoes by the door. This isn’t my place, not really.
I got hurt and Alek moved me in as part of this crazy scheme. Everything moved at warped speed and I’ve gone along with it.
What choice did I have?
Dinner sits between us, still warm, and I pick at it without tasting much.
He tracks me the way he always does. On alert for any change in my demeanor.
“You seem off.” I hear the trepidation in his voice, which makes what I have to say harder.
