‘Are you and Richard having an affair?’ she blurted out.
Sarah turned to her sharply. ‘No! Whatever gave you that idea?’
Louisa buckled at her sister’s expression. She seemed genuinely shocked at the question. Had she got it wrong? Was she imagining things were going on between Richard and Sarah because she assumed it might be happening?
‘I just thought you were getting close, that’s all.’
‘I enjoy his company as much as yours and I like having a laugh with him. We share the same sense of humour. But honestly, I’d never do that to you.’ Tears welled in Sarah’s eyes. ‘Not to any woman, actually. I’m surprised you’d even think that.’
‘He’s been with other women, I’m sure of it.’ Louisa’s tone was less authoritative now.
‘Well, I can assure you, he hasn’t been with me.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘How can you think anything like that? It’s hurtful and spiteful too, to ask me. Have you spoken to Richard about it?’
‘No.’
‘And do you intend to?’
Louisa shook her head. She wouldn’t dare mention anything to him.
‘But you’ll have a go at me and make me feel like shit. It’s just like the old days, Louisa. As long as you’re okay, screw everyone else. I’ve a good mind to go back to Derby and see how you’d cope without me.’
‘Please don’t do that,’ Louisa exclaimed. ‘I’m sorry. I was overthinking and?—’
‘Too right you were. I stay here for one reason and one reason only. To make sure you and Daisy are okay.’ Sarah pointed at her. ‘Some days you barely say two words to your daughter. Imagine how much danger she would be in without someone to watch over her when you have your turns.’
Louisa couldn’t meet Sarah’s eye, seeing how hurt she was. But despite her sister’s reaction, she wasn’t fooled. She could imagine them both laughing at her.
When Sarah flounced out of the room, the tears Louisa had been holding back fell freely. Sarah haddenied there was anything going on but she wasn’t stupid, no matter how much they assumed she was.
It was time she helped herself, sorted out why she was feeling so awful all the time. If she couldn’t get to the surgery with either Richard’s or Sarah’s help, she’d get the doctor to come out to her if possible.
She made a call, but she had no luck at the surgery. Unless it was an emergency, a doctor couldn’t do home visits. She’d have to talk to Richard. She’d do it today.
‘Richard, could I have a minute?’ she said as soon as he came upstairs after he’d finished in the studio that evening.
‘I hope this isn’t about going to the doctors again.’ He reached for fresh clothes and turned his back to her.
‘Yes, it is. It can’t be right that I’m tired all the time. I can barely get out of bed some days and I want?—’
‘There’s nothing else he can give you.’
‘Please, Richard, listen to me for once! I’m the one who has to?—’
He raced over to within a few inches of her face, grabbing her by the wrist. ‘I amsickof this, Louisa. I am tired of you moaning about everything. I brought Sarah to you so that you would feel better, giving you time to rest, but still you nag. It stops right now, do you hear?’
Fearing he would strike her if she continued, she bowed her head and nodded.
‘Good. Not another word.’
Once he’d left the room, Louisa flopped down onto the bed and broke down. Being married to Richard was like being in prison. This was what her life would be confined to. Bed rest, not leaving the home because she was too weak. Not being able to interact with her daughter because she was so tired. She’d seen Daisy in the garden earlier with Sarah. Her sister could do the things that she couldn’t. It wasn’t fair.
If only she was well enough to do more for herself. If only she was stronger, she could tackle him and leave.
If only. If only. If only.
