‘Well, that’s both the kids down for the night,’ she joked about Louisa. ‘I doubt we’ll hear a peep out of either of them until the morning. Does Louisa often go to bed so early?’
‘Most nights.’ Richard sighed.
‘It must be really lonely for you.’
‘It is at times, but I bury myself in my work and forget. She’s very good with Daisy when she can be.’
‘But there’s you to consider too.’ Sarah wanted to add that Louisa couldn’t give him what he needed as a partner if she was tired all the time.
‘Oh, I’m fine.’ Richard held up two bottles of wine. ‘Red or white?’
‘Red please.’
‘Can I ask you something?’ Richard asked once they were seated with their food.
‘Sure.’ Sarah ripped off a chunk of naan bread and dipped it into the creamy mixture. ‘This is delicious, by the way.’
‘Thanks. It’s always puzzled me why you and Louisa lost touch. You seemed so close growing up.’
‘If you must know, we had an argument. I was young when she fell in love with you. She came to see me one weekend and I didn’t want her to leave. One thing led to another and before we knew it, we were slinging mud at each other. I stormed off; Louisa returned to you.’ She shrugged. ‘Looking back it was silly but neither of us would make the first move to get in touch. But having no parents to fall back on, Louisa was all I had and it hurt that she left me.’
‘I thought your mum and dad were still alive.’
‘They are. I don’t have a clue where Dad is, and Mum is still the bitter alcoholic she was. She barely moves from the house now.’
‘And as you resent them for abandoning you as a child, you thought the same of Louisa?’
‘Something like that.’
Richard paused to take a sip of wine.
‘I can understand where you’re coming from. My mum died of cancer when I was seven, and my father turned to drink too. Except he was violent with it.’
‘To you?’
He nodded and she smiled in empathy.
‘He hid a lot of things from me, but he’d often have women over and ill-treat them. He had several relationships, some lasting a few weeks, some a few months until he turned them off with his mannerisms. Let’s just say he wasn’t a happy drunk.’
Sarah watched as Richard’s eyes turned darker. It was as if he was going back in time to a place where he didn’t feel safe. Where there was no love, no one to rely on. She could understand that.
She reached across the table and gave his hand a squeeze. ‘It never gets any easier, does it? I don’t think I’ll ever feel that I belong anywhere. God help any man who wants to marry me. I’m going to be a nightmare to live with.’
‘Maybe you should have married someone like me.’ His eyes trained on hers. ‘It’s strange but Louisa doesn’t seem as affected as you are.’
‘That’s because she wasn’t left behind to fend for herself.’ Her words were almost caustic as she spit them out.
‘I’m sorry. You seem to have been in a lot of pain as a child.’
‘I had no one to trust except her. She looked after me, made sure I had food to eat. That I had clothes to wear. Took care of me when I was sick. That’s what our mum should have done but I guess I took things out on Louisa for leaving. I’m not proud of that fact now, not when I see how poorly she is.’
‘I was shocked to realise you didn’t know about Daisy. That must have hurt.’
‘It did.’ Sarah sighed. ‘She’s such a beautiful child.’
‘She’s quiet though.’
‘Perhaps she should be mixing with other children more. How often does she go to nursery? Or to mums and toddlers groups?’
