22
BOUND BY GUILT
“Idinnae understand what ye mean. Ye have to go back, go back to what?”
Iona nearly caved at the gentle confusion that marked Finn's features. He looked so like his sister with his wide, inquisitive brown eyes. They were the same color as the river rock that loved to shine under the soft waves of the water. She could tell he had ridden hard and likely twice as fast as she had, just from the state of his hair. Strands stuck up at all angles, the wind having had its way with it all. She had no doubt that her own long, brown braid looked rather disheveled at the moment too, not that Finn gave any signs that he noticed or cared.
“To my father,” she explained more fully. “I have to return home to my father.”
Taken aback by her response, Finn's whole head jerked back as his mouth struggled to find the right words to say.
“Nay, ye dinnae ever have to go back there,” he finally settled on.
“Och, Finn. Ye dinnae understand,” she pleaded.
“Aye. Ye are right. I dinnae understand why ye think ye must return to that prison. If what ye have told me is true,” she wincedat his insinuation, “then I am quite sure that Seamus would prefer ye never return to MacKenzie Castle or its Laird.”
How to explain the immense guilt and shame she felt, she didn't know. It felt impossible to put into words what these last several weeks around Seamus, Flora, Brid, Connor, Finn, and everyone had done to her. She had stood by the side, as always, watching as they all fought for their clan, for their people. Seamus had sacrificed nearly everything to see his clan safe and happy. Her mere presence inside the clan borders threatened everything they had just gained.
“I dinnae have time to explain it to ye. I must return,” she insisted.
It wasn't a lie or even an exaggeration. Every second she spent inside the Murray Clan was a second longer for her father to grow more furious with her disappearance. And she knew better than anyone just how irrational her father could be when he was angry.
Since she had met Seamus, he had shown her nothing but kindness and loyalty. All she had to do was say they were family, and he had treated her as such. He put his plans on hold at the cost of others, to ensure she was safe once. She wasn't going to ask him to do it again.
“Make time then,” Finn countered firmly.
Tears welled in her eyes. She knew he would never relent, never let her go without an explanation. Despite her earlier objections, they had become friends. They had shared things that she had never told another person before. She had trusted him with those secrets, perhaps now it was time to trust him with these.
“They are going to attack Seamus,” she forced out through a choked sob.
“Who is?” Finn moved closer so he could reach over his horse to grasp her limp hand. “Who is going to attack? What do ye ken? What are ye saying?”
She shook her head, her tears falling in earnest now, as she searched for the right words. Of course, Finn was consumed with protecting his clan from any invaders. And that was precisely why she had to leave as quickly as possible.
“Iona,” he tried again, “who is going to attack Seamus?”
“My father,” she blurted out.
Finn took in a deep breath, whether to calm himself or her, she didn't know, and looked at her again.
“I need ye to steady yerself, Iona. I cannae help ye unless ye tell me what is going on. And I would really like to help ye, all right? So take in a breath, calm yerself, and tell me why ye think yer father is going to attack Seamus.”
She did as he asked, sucking in all the air her lungs would allow, desperate to get through this so she could be on her way. He was right, she needed to be calm enough so she could think clearly. She might not get away without telling Finn why, but she might still be able to convince him to go with her. At least that way, she wouldn't be slowed down. She only needed to breathe and think clearly.
“I told ye that I ran away from my father,” she started.
He nodded, clearly relieved that she was forming coherent sentences again.
“But I did nae tell ye the entire reason why.”
“Ye said that he kept ye prisoner.”
“Aye. And while that was awful, I felt as though I could live with it. That was all I have ever kent, so I did nae think to want any different.”
“Then why did ye leave?”
Finn still kept a warm, comforting grip on her hand. She didn't want him to let go, not yet.
