14
TIES THAT BIND AND BREAK
By the time the rooster crowed, James had given up any hope for sleep. He needed answers too much for his mind to allow him any peace. Rising from his bed, James made quick work of tidying himself up.
Using the old, faded pitcher of water and a threadbare cloth, James did his best to wash the last few months from his skin. He knew he would need a true bath later, but this would have to do for now. The soak made him smell of spearmint and oranges, leaving him refreshed and significantly less dirty. He went to work on his hair next, washing it as best he could in the small basin. With a fire still going in his room, he was able to dry it quickly, brushing and tying it out of his face. A fresh change of clothes and a quick shave had James feeling much more himself, even without the sleep he so desperately needed.
As expected, neither of his parents were awake yet. That was no matter; he intended to be gone and back before they woke and made their way downstairs. Tugging on his jacket once more, James slipped out into the brisk morning air and set off towards the castle.
The walk was a quick one, his mind occupied with everything he wanted to ask Taryn. He stopped first in the kitchens andcollected some food, popping a fresh roll in his mouth and taking another for her. A handful of fruit and a small cup of tea made sure his hands were full, but he didn’t mind. He doubted that Taryn had been brought anything to eat since her arrival at McGregor Castle. If that was the case, she wouldn’t have eaten since their oatcake breakfast yesterday morning. She was bound to be cold and hungry. He may not be able to fix the entire situation in one visit, but he could certainly fix those two things.
Only the servants and a handful of guards were up at such an early hour. The hallways were free and clear, giving him a direct path to the cells. The men posted outside them didn’t care to stop James from going inside. In fact, no one said a single word to him as he made his way to Taryn. That suited his purposes just fine.
The air in the dungeon was significantly colder than anywhere else in the castle. His breaths turned to little puffs of white the deeper into the cells he got. The tea cup he was holding kept his fingers warm, though he wondered how Taryn was faring in such conditions.
It took blinking his eyes several times before he adjusted to the dark. Once he had, what he saw made his heart sink.
Taryn was curled up in a ball on the old, ragged cot, shivering in her sleep. Her face looked swollen from crying. It hurt him to think that she had laid there alone, all night in the freezing cold, crying herself to sleep. Throughout their travels together, she had seemed so tough and strong. Even when they were younger, she had a certain resilience to her that made James gravitate towards her. Seeing that broken made some part of him break too.
James rushed to the hook where the key to her door was and unlocked it as quickly as he could while still balancing the food. She started to rouse just as he stepped into the cell.
“James?” she croaked, her voice hoarse.
“Here,” he answered. “Take this.”
He pushed the cup of tea into her hands and then laid the food across her lap. With his hands empty, he shrugged out of his coat and draped it across her shoulders. Instinctively, she nestled in closer, trying to get all the warmth out of it that she could.
The sight of her made his chest ache. His mother’s words from the night before came rushing back to him; they truly only saw Taryn as something to trade to gain relief, not another human worth protecting.
“I never thought ye would be the only one to visit me down here,” she told him between bites of food and sips of tea.
He wished he had brought more.
“What do ye mean?” he asked, trying to keep his emotions in check.
Out in the woods, Taryn had looked so capable, so strong. She had bested him more than once and had even saved his life. But here, locked up as if she were no better than an unwanted animal, was a painful reminder that this was the girl he had once loved.
“Nay one has bothered to come see me,” she muttered with a shrug. “Nae even my own mother.”
Though she said it nonchalantly, he could see it was a bluster to hide her hurt. He would be devastated if he had been in her position too. Though his parents had not agreed with his decision to go after Taryn and bring her back, they had still welcomed him home with open arms and a warm embrace. He was starting to wonder if her parents had ever seen her as anything more than a means to an end.
“Thank ye for the food,” she added sheepishly, having already finished it all.
She cradled the cup in her blue tinged fingers, letting the warmth from the brew seep into her skin.
“I will bring ye more. Nay one even tried to stop me from coming down. I dinnae think it will be a problem to come again.”
In his attempt to console her, he unwittingly wounded her further. He could see from the way her jaw clenched and unclenched that she was fighting back tears. Feeling rather helpless, James kept his hands folded in his lap as he waited for Taryn to say something.
“I cannae stand this, James.” Her words came out in a rush that left her even more hunched over, as if they took all her energy with them. “Everyone hates me, and rightfully so. Though I did nae ken what was happening here, I am the cause of it all. I deserve everything they have said and done.”
The image of the villagers hurling their rotten food at her flashed in his mind. He winced in shame for not having stopped them or, at the very least, protected her from it. He had been too furious to think clearly, and she had paid the price for it. She still had bits of food caked into her hair and clothes. The next time he came, he would bring warmer clothes for her and a comb. Perhaps he could even manage to bring warm water for her to wash with.
“I thought that yer hatred would be the worst of it. I always valued yer opinion of me so much more than anyone else. But seeing that they all despise me, that they all think me a traitor, is agony. They dinnae care whether I live or die. They must think that for these last three years, I have given nay thought to them. And there is simply nay way to prove to them that is nae the case.”
She sighed and let her head fall back against the cold bars behind them.
“How can I convince them that I have spent the last three years thinking of them? That this clan is never far from my thoughts? How do I tell them that my parents only value me in so much as what I can do for them? I only wanted what was bestfor meandbest for the clan. I see now that those two things cannae be. It is my life for theirs.”
