8
OLD FLAMES, NEW FURIES
James kept vigil over Taryn as she drifted to sleep. He watched her for hours, noting when she was pretending to be asleep and when her chest started to rise and fall more deeply. Though he too needed the rest, he didn’t allow himself the luxury. His guilt wouldn’t allow him to. Instead, he stayed perched on the unforgiving rock and watched Taryn breathe.
The firelight flickered across her features, casting a warm, alluring glow where it landed. She was beautiful, even more so than she had been the last time he had seen her. Three years had felt like three lifetimes, but it had done nothing to diminish the pull she had on him. It had always been there, regardless of everything that had happened because of her leaving.
James pushed himself up and stoked the fire. The night before, she had woken him with her whimpers, the cold making her shake. His cloak had been enough to lull her back to a deep sleep, but after riding in the cold all day, he knew she needed to be warm if only while she slept. Keeping the fire tall and hot was a simple enough task, though the entire time he did, he questioned himself.
He was supposed to be her captor, not her maid. Kidnappers weren’t supposed to care for the well-being of the ones they had taken. And yet, knowing that did nothing to stop James from tossing another log on to the fire and unfurling an extra blanket from his bags. He laid it over her small shoulders, careful not to wake her. Their closeness drew his attention back to the violet, swollen bump just under her eye, stretching the length of her cheekbone. His stomach turned, knowing that he had put it there.
Of course, he hadn’t meant to bruise her. His plan had been to knock her out from behind so that she never saw it coming. But she had turned at just the right moment and his blow had caught her cheek. When he had set off to capture her all those months ago, he had made a promise to his mother not to hurt her. Within the first minute of having Taryn within arm’s reach, he had broken that promise. Guilt gnawed on him, despite the knowledge of everything this woman had done to him and his family.
Even that wasn’t enough to dampen her intoxicating presence. It had been all he could do not to talk to her today. Listening to her recollections of the time they had spent growing up together was nearly his undoing. And when she had admitted everything she had thought of him, the way she had seen him as a man, it made him want to be that version of himself more than he had ever wanted anything—almost.
James shook himself and trudged back to his spot on the opposite side of the fire. His horse had curled up close to the warmth, a blanket spread across his back, inviting James in. Opting for the comfort of his horse, James sunk to the ground and leaned against the animal’s warm coat. It was one of the few comforts he had allowed himself on this trip. He had forced himself to go without, if only as a reminder of why he had lefthome in the first place. With Taryn in tow, he found himself needing those reminders more and more frequently.
He was prone to care more about her safety, her well-being, even her comfort, far more than he should. It was a dangerous game to allow himself to grow attached to her once more. He knew that would only lead to more suffering for the both of them.
“Och, ye fool,” he muttered, pressing his palms closer to the fire.
A fresh scar danced off the top of his knuckles, pink and raised. Another wrapped around his wrist and disappeared underneath his sleeve. He knew it ran the length of his forearm, up to his elbow. Both of which he had gotten fighting off a pair of bounty hunters he had come across hiding out in the woods just outside Kincaid Castle. The jagged edges of his scars were thanks to his lackluster sewing skills. It had been good enough to stop the bleeding and stave off any infection, and that had been enough for him.
That had only been the last of the brawls he had gotten himself into on his months-long attempt to find Taryn. He had paid his dues. Now it was time for Taryn to pay hers. And he intended to see it through, no matter what it might cost him. If that made him a cold and callous man, so be it. He would do anything to see his family saved.
His eyes drifted back over the fire and towards his captive. From all that she had said, it was clear that Taryn had no idea of the chaos she had left in her wake by running away. Her actions had destroyed his entire family. He almost hated her more for being so blissfully unaware.
Her leaving had destroyed the McGregor clan. Their lands had long since been fraught with danger, but without the alliance of her betrothed, they had been left open and vulnerable to all kinds of attacks. It had only been made clear in the past sixmonths that it was the same man who had promised to protect them was behind all the turmoil.
From his position, Taryn looked like an angel, someone so incapable of all she was responsible for. Her golden hair was splayed out behind her, the day of riding ruining her braid entirely. James hadn’t given her the chance to do anything about her appearance once they had stopped for the night, mostly for fear that he would be unable to handle her getting any more beautiful.
Gone was the lanky, unsure girl that had left him flustered in the stables. Now, she was a confident woman with the gentle, sloping curves to match. Her skin was a lovely shade of pink thanks to the blistering winter wind. Tomorrow he was going to insist that she rode behind him so he could take the brunt of it.
The longer he watched her, the more curious he became. He wanted to know just who this woman before him was. What had happened to her in the last three years? Where had she gone? How did she wind up in another castle dressed in another beautiful gown?
For as long as James had known her, Taryn had been an adventurous girl, a bright light amongst the dimness that was her family. She had been eager to try anything, eager to learn. He had always gotten the sense that she was desperate to belong. The life of a noblewoman never seemed to sit right with Taryn. A part of him, long before the full consequences of her actions hit him, had hoped that she had escaped to a life full of freedom and contentment. It seemed strange to have found her, once more, residing within a castle and dressed in lace and frills. That had always been more of Laura’s style.
Laura…
Thoughts of his sister had James’ shifting, as if moving physically could dislodge the ache in his chest. Taryn’s leaving had been catastrophic for the entire McGregor clan, butsomehow, it was James’ family who had been punished. Laura was taking the brunt of it all.
“Nay, please dinnae hurt me!”
Taryn’s shouts interrupted James’ thoughts. He leapt to his feet and pulled out his sword, searching the darkness for whatever had frightened Taryn from her sleep. But when he found nothing, and when her murmurings continued, James calmed himself. She was only talking in her sleep.
She tossed and turned as much as the rope around her waist allowed her to. Her brow furrowed, creating anxious lines across her face. Something gnawed at him, something very akin to guilt, as he watched Taryn struggle against the ropes he had tied around her. James crept closer to her, unable to stop himself.
“Shhh,” he soothed. “‘Tis all right, lass. Ye are safe with me.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew they were a lie. He knew that in the not too distant future, he was going to hand her over to her fate, no matter what that fate might be. Guilt threatened to eat him alive from the inside out as he smoothed a hand over the side of her face, brushing away the hair that had fallen into her closed eyes. But almost as soon as he touched her, James pulled away again, shaking himself.
He had a duty, an obligation to his family. He couldn’t abandon that for some infatuation with a ghost from the past. Taryn was not the same girl he had once known, nor was he the same man. Taryn was the key to fulfilling his duty to his family, and he refused to fail them once again.
Just as he had made up his mind about the task ahead for the hundredth time, light began to creep through the trees. He sighed, his exhaustion catching up to him. Not sleeping for two days in a row had taken its toll, and he knew that if he was going to survive this journey, he needed to sleep while he had the chance.
Settling himself on the ground, James took up a spot closer to Taryn. She was close enough to be within arm's reach without touching her. He tried to convince himself he laid there to share warmth or to be closer in case of an attack. She was, after all, precious cargo in need of protection. But as his eyes drifted shut, James couldn’t help but think how nice it was to be near her again.
The few hours between dawn breaking and the true morning passed quickly. James woke with a jolt at the sound of birds chirping their morning song. He looked down to see that at some point within the last few hours, he had gotten closer and closer to Taryn until there was hardly an inch between them.
